WARNINGS: depression, self depreciation, mentions of thought patterns that sometimes lead to suicidal thoughts.
Other than all that; enjoy
Painted smiles and too fake tears,
Always trying to hold back tears,
Constant doubts swimming in fear,
A glimpse of my mind that's all too clear.
Boastful remarks hiding personal slander.
There's no purpose in trying my best,
When I'll simply turn out like all the rest.
Hundreds of voices,
Mostly my own,
That simply remind me, I don't deserve home.
Countless times those thoughts have surfaced,
Each time repeating, that I don't deserve this;
A loving family and food in my gut,
Each time it's said, I deepen my rut.
There are no doubts that people agree,
Why was any of this given to me?
Why me for all the treasure,
The goodness I've gained,
I can't even measure.
I know that I'll never begin to imagine
Why anyone gives me a chance.
There's so many people who've done things to help,
While I just sit and pity myself.
I'm a terrible person, so selfish and cross,
No doubt they'd be better off if I just got lost.
The world will still spin,
When I'm out of the picture,
I'm just like a light,
Hanging loose from the fixture.
I act so much when I'm in a good mood,
I'm mean and I'm cowardly, and overall rude.
My drawings all suck,
And I can't write for my life,
But even now I realize
There's no point to my strife,
I argue and bicker and fight for no reason,
My ego's unchanging,
No matter the season.
I'm more narcissistic than Narcisis himself,
Not one of my pictures should be up on the shelf.
Stupid and clumsy,
And just downright bad,
Is the simplest description of me that I've had.
I hate my behavior and say I should stop,
But I've also said this more times than I mop.
It's a continuous cycle,
That I can't escape.
I say that I try,
Then I sit and do not,
The only thing I deserve is to rot.
It's pointless indeed,
To write all this down,
Because I don't need it to make myself frown.
One last thing before I am done,
NEVER SHOW THIS TO ANYONE!
Hey, just mention, if you feel this way you should seek help from family, friends, and/or a professional. I am also here if you need to talk, I did write this myself so I do know how it is to feel this way.
