Everything I couldn't tell you

Chapter 7

Ksenija stands outside their house. Light spills out of the living room window, glittering in the quiet rain. A shadow moves on the other side of the curtain. This is it. She has to stand her ground. Ksenija is not legal, not yet, but it's her life and she's doing the choosing. She unlocks the door with frozen fingers.

Her parents look up when she shuffles into the living room. They are dressed in matching Rolling Stones shirts, her mums hair up with a clip. Her dad hasn't left yet, even if it's dark and the monsters come out earlier this time of year.

"Where have you been?" her mum says and here they go again. Ksenija gets yelled at before she even opens her mouth. "I was getting so worried! Why aren't you answering your phone?"

"Nevena", her dad says, eyeing Ksenija with concern.

"I need to talk to you," she says, steels herself. "Both of you." She hesitates. "And Rod."

"Why?" her mums says, frowning. She always suspects the worst. "Did something happen?"

"Just call him. I need to go to the bathroom."

It's the first time Ksenija looks at herself in the mirror for weeks, really looks at herself. She doesn't want to be afraid of her own eyes. For what they represent.

The gleam like gemstones under the harsh lighting and she cringes, forces herself to meet them head on. It's a strange thing, facing yourself. The girl in the mirror has a pale face, drooping shoulders. Blade once said she has eyes like lasers. He wasn't kidding. They are intense, the eyes of a magician. Or maybe it's the fiery croatian in her. Does it matter? They are both her. She can't fear either of them. Above all, she has to stop separating them in her mind. She's not two creatures but one. They have to work as one, going forward.

It's not normal.

Ksenija isn't normal. But maybe that's okay. It doesn't have to be a bad thing. She tried normal and it didn't make her any happier.

When she goes back out Rod stands in the kitchen, a glass of whiskey in hand. He wears a dark leather jacket and ratted jeans. It's been so long since she's seen him without the red uniform, she barely recognizes him. He looks at Ksenija and raises bushy eyebrows.

"I want to pick up the training," she says. "But not every night. I want to go to school and have a life. Mum is right, we can't keep pretending that I'm not human. I need to do normal things. I want Feliciano to sleep over again."

There. She said it.

"You need all the training you can get," Rod says. "As a half blood, you're much weaker. It's going to take forever if-"

"It's not your child!" Her mum says. "I don't think you should be training at all!"

"She said she wants to-"

Everytime. How do people run entire countries? In this house you can barely hold a conversation.

"Will you listen to me!" Ksenija says.

All eyes turn towards her. Great. Now she looks like a screaming teenager again. Her dad studies her.

"We should all calm down. I think it's reasonable. Rod is right, it will take longer. But Ksenija is still young. She needs to get some things out of her system."

Everyone still wants to do things their way. And fine, Ksenija will go to high school, because her mum won't allow anything else. And because, at the end of the day, anything else will look suspicious. Everyone goes to high school, no matter what Blade says.

Rod opens his mouth but her dad beats him to it.

"You will have to work really hard," he says. "I just want to make this clear."