Saviour

2.

I came to Hashirama in his office one morning. The sun cast beautiful patterns on the walls as it's light eww filtered through the trees outside the window. It was a beautiful day. I hadn't noticed.

"Are you coping?" he asked.

"What did you want?" I asked. Hashirama was a talker; I was not. I very much preferred to suffer alone, in my own head, with my own thoughts.

"We need to select a leader for the village", he said, not pushing his question further. "I want it to be Madara." I could see him watching me closely, waiting for my reaction. He wouldn't get one, I would make sure.

I sat down on his desk, crossed my arms. "We should have the leader selected democratically", I said.

Hashirama brought the tips of his fingers together where he sat behind his desk, looked at me closely. What the hell is going on? What does he see? "You have a problem with Madara?"

"No", I said, a little to quickly, perhaps. "I don't want the foundation of the politics of this village to stand on anything other than democracy. And you don't want that either."

Finally, he sighed. "You're right."

"Hehh..." I smirked.

Then I went home, buried my face in my hands and cried.

The meeting to select the village leader was held the week after. During this week, I'd kept visiting Izuna's grave each day, taking care not to bump into Madara, but needing to come to terms with my emotions; the guilt still consumed my soul, painted everything black.

"This must stop", Hashirama had said when he came home to our shared place unannounced, catching me sitting on the floor in my room, in the dark, holding my knees. "This must stop now."

I knew he was right.

The meeting was the first time I would see Madara since he'd caught me at Izuna's grave. I felt the nerves course through me as I pulled my black turtleneck over my head, taking care not to smudge my red facepaint out, stopping a little before I pulled it all the way down to inspect my abdominals appreciatively in the mirror. I swallowed. Would he say anything? Would he approach me? Would he avoid me?

I walked quietly beside Hashirama.

"Are you nervous?" he asked.

"About what?"

At this, he stopped in his tracks, turned towards me. "About meeting Madara."

Am I so easy to read? I felt my face drop.

"Don't worry, you're not easy to read." Apparently I was. "I've known you all your life. I know exactly how you work." I looked away. Hashirama put a hand on my shoulder. "You've not been yourself ever since Izuna died. I know you well enough to know it's guilt. But why? You've killed before. You didn't hesitate when you killed Izuna, either. What happened after that?"

I looked up at my brother. "Madara..." "Thought so", Hashirama's eyes said. "Seeing how devastated he was. I can't bear it."

"Tobirama, Madara is a shinobi, just like us. It's been the same for him all his life. He can take it. He is devastated, but he can take it."

"You've talked to him about it?"

"Of course." He looked at me, a serious expression on his face.

"Does he hate me?"

"Why does it matter to you?"

"You didn't answer my question."

But before he could answer, I felt a looming, dark presence behind me, and I knew who it was before I turned around.

I met his Sharingan, and he looked at me with so much hostility, it felt as if I would die. We stood there, him looking at me angrily, me probably with a stupid expression on my face, before he turned and kept walking to the meeting, to which me and my brother would soon join.

During the entire meeting, Madara's eyes shot daggers at me. I met his gaze sometimes, but most of the meeting, I tried to stay focussed on what was being said. The Uchiha spoke for Madara as a leader of Konoha, while the Senju spoke for my brother. I didn't really like the idea that the two candidates had not been selected by the residents of Konoha. In the end, the votes of the Uchiha, the Senju and the rest of Konoha was counted, and Hashirama was the winner.

And I saw Madara had stopped staring at me. For some reason, I felt disappointed. He had his head cast down as he walked out of the meeting room, deep in thought. Hashirama came to stand behind me.

"I really wished Madara would've won", he said.

"Why?" I asked.

"I think it would've been good for him", he said. "I think it would've been good for his confidence... For his heart."

I agreed, but I didn't voice it.

"There are other things that would be good for that man's heart, too", he said, and as I turned round to face him, he was looking at me with a strange expression on his face that I couldn't read.

It scared me and excited me all at once.

I went to his grave once more and stood. The guilt still washed over me, but this time, I felt something else as well; a sense of calm, of grounding, of serenity. My mind felt clearer, and I felt I could enjoy the green surroundings, the soft breeze, the fresh air. Maybe... Maybe, this guilt was good to prevent me from further needless killings. Perhaps it was what was needed for me to become a pulling force in ending the enmity between Senju and Uchiha, perhaps my force would lead to the end of it... I knew I was powerful with words, and good at debate. I lift my face to the sun, closed my eyes, let the rays soak my pale face.

I turned round.

And met a pair of red eyes.

And everything around me disappeared.