Roaring Hearts

Chapter 2

"What I want is to be needed. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody." choke, Chuck Palahniuk.

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Hasnaa spent days contemplating and planning on how to escape. Unfortunately, she had found no solution to her problems, if she ran to the neighboring village it would be easy for her father and chief Isabis to find her. Even if she ran away to a village far away, they would still find her with the help of the white men. Somewhere in her disheveled mind, she came to terms with the fact that her destiny was written on a stone and it could not be erased, this was the truth she knew all along but she lived in denial. She lived all her life believing in a dream while she was aware that dreams were for the living and not for the survivors.

Two days. Only two days were left and her wedding with Chief Isabis would take place, she would be a wife to a man only a few years younger than her father. Deep down inside, she knew that her wedding to Chief Isabis was inevitable but she still liked to believe otherwise. Everyone in Kalu village was commemorating except her and James, they were hurting. The marriage wasn't just a union between two people but two villages hence the joy in the villagers. Chief Isabis had the resources to help Kalu village in their time of need, therefore it was better to have him as an ally than a foe.

Hasnaa kept assuring herself that she was fulfilling her duty to the villagers as the Chief's daughter and helping her people. But repeating it, did not make it less painful. She knew it was essential for her to cut her old ties to form new and everlasting ones.

James had given Hasnaa her very first kiss. He had been her first love. The only man she ever looked at and desired. James had shown her a different world than hers, a world filled with love and joy. James kissed her every time he got the chance and seized every moment to express how much he loved Hasnaa and she believed him as she felt the same way. During their courtship, Hasnaa told James as much to keep their relationship a secret.

Her family would be disgraced if anybody was to find out about their affair and the consequences were unspeakable. James fulfilled his word and love to Hasnaa to the very end; which would be soon. Hasnaa found a confidant in James and shared her deepest secrets and fears with him. The happiness she found in him was short-lived. It was time to let go.

Hasnaa quietly opened the door to her hut and peeped outside, on noticing no one was around she quickly came out. She made quick work of closing the door behind her and making her way out of the homestead. 

Minutes later, she arrived at their meeting spot. It was located in the outcasts of the village, where no one would find them. And as expected, James was there staring at the scenery.

Walking to James and giving him a warm hug probably for the last time, she was ready to let go of the happiness, memories, and him. The thought of losing him made her shed a tear but she quickly wiped it off with her thumb and let go of him.

The minute she looked at his eyes, his ocean blue eyes that were filled with so much love for her, she wished for a world where their love would exist, a world that James and Hasnaa were allowed to be.

For a minute there she forgot her intentions to meet him.

Hasnaa knew she was not strong enough to look into his eyes and declare her decision to him, she averted her gaze to the scenery before them and began to talk to him.

"I'm set to wed chief Isabis two days from now," she stated with a heavy heart.

"What about me?" James was well aware of Hasnaa's situation when he started courting her but he believed his love would make her refuse to marry Chief Isabis.

"Go back to your homeland, the next ship leaves in three days. Forget that you ever met me, forget you once loved truly, and forget of my very existence. I promise the same shall apply to me, I will fulfill my duties to my people and my duties to my husband. I shall pray that you find a woman of your kind and stature."

"No!" James pressed. "Come with me to my homeland and I will take you as my wife." He implored her.

"I can't..." Hasnaa said, in a low voice that James barely heard her.

"Why? You will be treated like royalty, you will have nice clothes and servants who will serve you for the rest of your life. And you will have me."

"I can't... my..." Hasnaa could hardly finish her sentence. James would never understand her predicament, he was from a different world, he knew nothing about the life they lived.

Of course, he had been in Kalu village for four years but he did not have to face hardships like Hasnaa and her people. The villagers were forced to obey the white men and give them respect. He would never understand their world.

"Tell me the reason," James demanded to know forcefully.
"Hasnaa!" He clenched Hasnaa's hand and forced her to look at him. Her amber eyes were filled with sadness and she was on the brink of tears.

"For God's sake, tell me the reason," James demanded.

"I can't abandon my people, they need me. If I don't marry Chief Isabis they will all starve to death. You said you will give me everything I ever wanted but who will feed my people? Their chief already ganged up with your people, who will help them? Our fields no longer produce and Chief Isabis is the only one who can give us food." Hasnaa said as tears trickled down her face.

"I can help." James declared.

"You and your people are part of the problem, what will you do?" Her words shocked James and seemed to have shocked her as well.

"I thought I could handle the disappointment from my people," Hasnaa whispered. "I thought I would run away and start a new life but I cannot. I am not that selfish and I cannot bear to see my family suffering." Hasnaa whimpered.

"But you can bear your own sorrow?" James questioned with raised eyebrows.

"Yes." She replied and yanked her hand out of James' hold.

"Sacrifices ought to be made. And I will take the pain wholeheartedly for my people." Hasnaa said and turned away to walk away from James' life. She was crying profusely and could not control the immense pain she felt.

"You can't help everybody, Hasnaa. Your sacrifice will be in vain because my people will still have the upper hand and the final say." James told Hasnaa just as she was about to leave. She could sense the pain in his voice but she had to move on and forget she ever met him.

"Sacrifices ought to be made." She repeated her phrase before she ran out of his sight.

She comprehended his words and she knew he was right. The fact remained, no matter what she did their future was uncertain and in the hands of the white men. But she was determined to do everything to ensure the safety of Kalu village in the present because for survivors like her and her people only the present was certain.