Broken Before (jian) ☆Completed☆

I can't control my feelings for you

- JC -

☆

Music blasted threw out the whole house. The place smelt like alcohol and weed and was filled with a bunch of sluts that kian turned out to be attracted too.

I sat down on the couch with a beer bottle in my hand as I watched girls grind all over kian beside me. A girl looked at me and smirked, she came walking towards me and straddled on my lap.

God I wanted to throw up.

The girl cupped my cheeks and just went for it. We don't even know each Other at all and she's right here making out with me. I had nothing else to do but kiss her back.

The kiss was emotionless. It meant nothing, but I was drunk and thinking about kian and just watching girls grind all over him right beside me. And kian enjoyed it like I wasn't even there, feeling heart broken.

But I'm sure he knows I'm used to it. Right?

So what else could I possibly do?
.
The girl pulled away and smiled. I just smiled back. I felt kian watching, so I'm just gonna have to pretend I'm enjoying this, Right?

I looked aside and caught kian staring, but he looked back at the blonde girl in front of him.

Kian groaned and pushed the girl off of him and walked to the kitchen. I watched and asked the girl if I could get up for a sec and she nodded.

I ran over to the kitchen and saw kian sitting on the counter. I walked toward him and stood between his legs.

He looked up at me with a tear rolling down his face.

"What's wrong?" I asked softly, placing my hand on his cheek. He chuckled.

"I'm just not used to seeing you making out with someone else other then me"

I blushed and cupped his cheeks before placing my lips on his. He kissed back. I smiled threw the kiss. I loved him. But I just don't know how he feels. I don't understand him and I want to.

I felt kian open his eyes and I could hear him freaking out.

So he pushed me away.

"EW WHAT THE FUCK!!" Kian screamed, wiping his mouth. "Kian" I let out. He looked up at me before jumping off the counter. "You gay fucker" kian mumbled and walked out of the kitchen.

They guys looked at me with frowns. I felt my eyes swelling up with tears. I tried to keep them in till I blinked. I broke down and ran towards the stairs. I saw kian making out with girls, which made my heart shatter.

It was a heart break that couldn't be fixed. I was tired of his shit. I wanted to leave. But then I don't.

I ran up to my room and jumped onto my bed before screaming. Tears fell and I couldn't help it.

"I can't control my feelings for you"

I'd mumble while looking at the ceiling. I looked over at the door as I heard kian's laugh go by and some other chicks.

A few moments later I hear them moaning in his room. I had enough. I got up and punched the wall and screamed in pain. I trashed up my whole room. I punched the wall and broke my mirror.

I sat down against the wall as the moaning stopped. All you heard were my sobs and the dimmed music downstairs.

I heard kian and that girls footsteps go back downstairs and the music was turned up again.

I sighed and stood up before walking towards my bed and plopping down on it. And it was all black. I passed out.

~♡~

There was a knock on my door and I groaned, looking over at the time.

3:56am

Who the fuck is knocking on my door?

"Come in" I'd mumble. The door opened and I closed my eyes, before feeling someone come lay on the bed with me. I opened my eyes and it was kian. He snuggled up onto my chest and fell asleep.

I smiled and kissed his head before he mumbled 'i love you' which made my smile widen way more.

I was so in love that he doesn't have to say sorry at all, I just have to look at him and we'll be okay again.

Yea. We'll be okay, but not the same.

And it hurts me that we're not the same. We'll never be the same ever again.

What if.. What if I was never meant for love? Ever since my first crush and first confession. I've been rejected and heart broken and cheated on. It hurts. High school wasn't at all easy for me.

Then I met kian.

It was like my chest found all of the pieces of my heart and put them back together. I was fixed. We were best friends and I felt safe with him. I gain feelings for him, and he gain feelings for me.. Till our first party.

We had a full on make out session.

Then we weren't the same after that. Then we had fucking sex at another party. We were fucking friends with benefits now. I mean hey, one thing after another Right?

We kissed again then he snapped, saying he wasn't gay and it broke me. And the same things happens all the time.

Make out session.

Sex.

Heart break.

Next party we'll be making out. Then the next party we have sex. Then the next, heart break.

It happens every time that I'm just used to it. That I've kept track and I know what will be happening next.

I'm broken. But I'm too in love..

I can't control my feelings for him. He's too powerful.. I can't beat him cause he always has his ways.

I love him. He hates me then he loves me. I don't understand him. I don't understand him..

Tears rolled down my cheeks as thoughts ate me alive. "Hey.. what's wrong?" Kian asked, looking up at me. You can tell he's still fucking drunk. I snapped.

"GET OUT" I yelled. Kian flinched and got up. "GET THE FUCK OUT!! I DONT NEED YOU" I cried. Kian looked pissed.

"I HATE YOU I HAYE YOU I HATE YOU" no matter how much I said it and tried to get it in my head, I still loved him. I stood up and pushed kian. "I HATE YOU, GET OUT, I DONT NEED YOU!"

Kian took a breathe before speaking. "You said it. You don't need me. You hate me. I understand"

My face loosed and I just stood there as he walked out of the room. I heard the front door slam and I sat on my Bed.

"You don't need him." I whispered to myself before laying down and falling asleep.

"But I do need him. I need all of him."