Ghost Writer [Harry Styles][H.S. Fanfic]

6 - WAVES

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(SUNNY'S POV)

I haven't been in the water for months since the Rip Curl Pro event in Australia. It's an overwhelming fact to comprehend for me. Hell, I've never gone more than a couple of damn days without being in the ocean ever since the first day that I learned how to surf. And all I want is to not be scared of it anymore. I want to go home and resume my old life and pretend like nothing ever happened.

But I can't... because it did happen.

I have been sitting here in my modest black one-piece swimsuit on this stupid beach, staring out at the ocean for hours—simply trying to muster up a single ounce of courage within my soul to just step in the water—to just touch it. But every time my toes come close to the white foam as it rolls up on the sand, my anxiety kicks in and I take a reluctant step back.

I ultimately walked away and sat down on my towel about five yards back. I peer up at the dark clouds swirling in the sky overhead like it's about to storm, and I can't help but think that my surroundings are the epitome of what my life represents now. My eyes lace back down to watch as each daunting wave crashes and rolls up to the shore with the rising tide.

Waves depict life in flawless symbolism. It's almost as if the water is begging to be set free from the never-ending cycle of meaningless oscillatory movements. Yet, they are always pulled right back in as soon as they reach the brink between land and sea. And that's kind of like me... I have just been going through the motions of life while being engulfed by a swelling storm of chaos underneath the surging surface.

They could also represent the waves of emotion. Somedays I am calm... still... and unbothered by the elements of nature's demands. I'm at peace. While other days, I feel as though I'm being dragged below the surface by the undertow, and I'm swirling around in an inescapable vortex of misery and fear.

And my burning lungs represent myself. There are days where I feel like I physically and mentally can't take any more punches. I would rather drown alone in the darkness than continue struggling to fight and swim towards the light that always seems like it's just out of reach. The light that once attained, provides the sanctity of air... of safety... of happiness.

However, I'm still here, holding on to that minuscule sliver of hope that one day I will wake up from this nightmare. Even though this loss hurts like hell... I wait. I wait for the tides to roll back out to sea. And every once in a while it does, and I can breathe again. Slowly the pain subsides. But it's only a matter of time... because those tides will always rise.

"It comes and goes in waves. It always does," I whisper to the wind.

All of a sudden, my eyes widen and my back shoots straight up. I turn to grab my brown leather backpack and rip out my journal, excited about the melody now playing in my head.

"Oh, that's good." I continue muttering to myself.

It's been a couple of weeks since I ran into Harry and Niall after our set, and for some reason, I haven't been able to write a damn thing. I've been stuck in idle. So, I really needed this boost, even if it was fueled by self-deprecating thoughts.

I flip through the stained pages until I come across one that's still untouched by my emotions. Writing a new song is the only thing that gives my heart a spark of life these days. But when it's finished, my fire is extinguished once more.

I scribble the lyrics on the blank piece of paper as quickly as I can, pouring my pain and struggles into every word as I go. But the melody is what's killing me right now because I'm out of music sheets. I need to get to a guitar now!