I hate you, I love you

Chapter 22

Sebastian

I turned to look at Valerie, who was crying buried in the sheets. I got into bed with her trying to console her. I slipped my arm through her exposed waist.
"She's right Bass, Darla is right... I am a whore" she said between sobs.
"Val please don't say that" I said and she kept sobbing in my chest.
"I am the worst Bass" she said "I got carried away, and now I ... I" i couldn't understand her because of how bad she was crying 
"You what?" I said afraid of what was she about to say
"YOU WHAT VALERIE!?"
"I fucked my life" she whispered between sobs.
And that's why I didn't wanted to have the grown up talk, because I knew that she was going to break my heart all over again. That our reality wasn't this. That she was still with my cousin's and not me, that she was the love of my life and she was resisting me.

"Val"
She raised her head to see me, her eyes were so red.
I took a deep breath and then I said
"I love you" I said with all the honesty I could
She didn't say anything. And I continued
"I loved you fifteen years ago and I love you now"

There.
I was all out.
All cards on the table.
I was going to fight for her.

"Say something"  I said with hopeful eyes, hoping that she will throw herself at me and told me that she loved me too. But instead she stood quiet, trying to calm herself, breathing slowly.

She slowly turned to me, with her sad eyes that looked like a rainy afternoon.
"I'm sorry Bass, it's just that I'm so overwhelmed, I need to figure things out, to put myself back together, please just give me time"

I looked at her, hopeless.

We stood quiet.

After a few minutes I spoke

"You were right" I said
"Right about what?" She asked surprised.
"every time that we talked someone ends up screaming or crying" I said and then continued "But this Val, it's the last time, it's the last time I got my heart broken by you, take all the time in the world"
I stood from the bed and left her alone in my room.

I couldn't do this anymore.

I went to find Sylvie. She was in my father's big library, she was seating on the big leather couch reading a book.

"Knock knock" I said, she raised her head and smiled to me.
"Well you had a busy morning" she said
"Don't tell me about it" I said with a smirk
"What are you reading?" I asked
"This was you father's favorite book" she said
As asshole as this may sound, I forgot for a little while about my father's dead.
It's been a couple of rough days.

I sat on the couch next to her, and she hugged me.

"You want to talk about it?"
"Actually... I don't"  I responded "I'm just sick of it, you know? My life was fine one month ago, I was fine, I think I'm going to take some time off or something, maybe go to Aspen for a few days"
"That's a great a idea, You should go, get your things straight"
"Thanks Sylvie, you'll be okey here?"
"I'm always okey, you just go, have some fun" she said.

My parents owned a big Chalet in aspen, where we went skiing every now and then. Well now I own it, so I booked a flight for tonight.

Before I left my father's lawyer went to see me. He left me all his possessions, the house in New York, the house I lived in Miami, the house in Aspen, the yacht, and all of his business.
I think I'm gonna have some issues with all of my uncles when I tell them that I don't plan to take over my father's place at the company. Maybe I can sell my father's actions. Or maybe they can buy me out.

Aspen was so cold, it was February and the snow was still on its best .
After the warm weather I was in in Miami this came as a good change for me. I put on my gloves and hat as I was getting out of the airport. I took a cab to the Chalet.

When I got in, the smells reminded me of my times here, with my mom, with my dad. When I came here as a little kid. I uncovered the sofas and turned on the heating. I shoveled the snow off of our truck and went to the supermarket to  buy some groceries for my upcoming days here.

As I got home I grabbed a beer, turned on the fire and sat on the couch. I needed this time alone for a lot of reasons.

First I needed to mourn my father's dead, to process that I was alone in this world and that from now I was on my own. I mean I've been on my own for quite a while, but I always knew that I could count on my father.

Second I needed to know what was I going to do with all the money that my father left me.

And third, but not least, I needed to figure what the hell did I wanted to do with my life. I mean, I was 30 years old, I was not 20 anymore. I needed to settle down, I don't know, and if I wanted to have a family this was the time for me, I didn't wanted to be an old dad. I've always wanted to have a family, but I've never really found the one, it was a shame that the only girl that I could see myself with in 50 years, was taken, and worse, she was taken by my cousin.

I needed to figure out what the fuck I was doing with all this feelings that had me so upset.
I needed to know what was I doing with Valerie. The girl that I had loved and hated for over fifteen years, the girl that made me feel love, anger, sadness, the only girl that has ever made feel something, whatever that was.
How could I fight for her if she didn't wanted to be fighted for?
How could I win her over?

So, the first thing I needed to do was taking a break of all those feelings. To be a little apart from my life so that I could see it from another point of view, so that I could see it from the outside.

The next couple of days I woke up early and went skiing.
Yeah, that was a good distraction. I loved the adrenaline, the danger.
After that I went to dine in my favorite restaurants the ones that I came here with my parents in the old days. It was like reviving my days with them, and also it was a good way to say goodbye.