I slowly start waking up from a weird ass dream, as I drew nearer to opening my eyes I hear my stupid alarm clock. Ughhhhh. I roll over and grab my phone, I start to scroll through tik tok and then I check my Snapchat's. No texts just like always. I lay in my bed staring at the ceiling for about an hour before I'm able to force myself up. I throw on an over sized t shirt and some black jeans, then I put on some black eyeliner on my waterline. I grab my school bag and throw on my black high top vans and my grey beanie. I look at the clock, it's 6:45, time to start walking to school. I turn on $uicideboy$ on my way to school, it's only a half hour walk but I still dread it. I finally get to school and I put all my school stuff in my locker, then I take my empty backpack and go to sit at my table. God this place sucks your soul outta you. It hits 7:40 and a few of my friends come and sit down, we all already have our usual plans for when the bell rings. 5 minutes go by and the bell rings, we head out the front door and down to the bus station where we meet up with our friend Zane. He's an older guy, he's already graduated but he's homeless. He's only 18 but we are all freshman and sophomores so he can get us the good stuff. He arrives with our other friend May, she's a freshman but Zane is dating her and then two other girls in our friend group. He's tried getting with me but it makes it more fun because I can ask for any kind of fun stuff since he can't get me. Once we are all together we decide on a place to hangout, we end up going to the park right by the bus station again. We get there and sit down.
Zane "Who wants to smoke?"
Me "I think we all do." I laugh awkwardly.
May "for real bro."
Zane loads a bowl and we start to smoke. After about three bowls we are all stoned off our asses.
Me "Who wants to go steal some alc with me?"
Chrissy "I'll come with."
Zane "Can you guys get some Mike's?"
Me "Duh. We goin for black cherry again?"
May "Yah that's the only kind that's good."
Chrissy and I head over to the Safeway that's super close with my back pack and her sweater. We walk down the boose aisle with my bag open on my back while she's walking behind me. She throws her sweater over a case of Mike's and shoved it in my bag quick and then to another. She quickly closes my bag and we head out the door smiling at the employees as we walk out with our bag of goodies. We head back to the park excited because of another successful run. The adrenaline rush is what I live for, I'll do anything to feel alive. We get back and start drinking, it doesn't take long for us to get shit face drunk, after all we are light weights except for Zane but he likes to be sober when we are having fun so he never gets wasted around us. We hangout all day until it's about time for school to be out, Chrissy lives far so she has to take the bus home. I walk her to the school then I quickly grab my school stuff outta my locker and start walking home. I hate going home I know as soon as my mom gets home I'm gonna get yelled at again for not cleaning mine and my sisters shared room. I'm not even home enough to be able to make it messy. I go and take a two hour shower and then lay on my bed in the dark. My mom comes into my room a couple hours later and starts screaming at me for my room being a mess.
Me "Why don't you ever make Erin clean our room?"
My mom "Because I asked you to do it! Now clean your goddamn room!"
Me "It's not even my mess!"
Mom "So I'm just supposed to believe all of this mess is Erin's?!"
Me "Yes! Because it is!"
Mom "Why can't you just behave!"
She leaves and I go back to laying on my bed in the dark. I clench my fists so hard the parts where my nails dug starts to bleed. I then go into the bathroom with my sharp scissors that I hide under my underwear drawer. I lock the door and then sit on the toilet and begin to draw the blade of the scissors into my thigh. The bleeding feels so good, I keep cutting until I feel numb again. I clean up the blood and then put a bandage around my thighs. I go back to my room and lay in bed waiting to fall asleep for another dreadful day.
