CROSSPOSTS |FROM MY AO3|

AND WHEN I LOSE MY WAY | LES MIS

Eponine opens the door of her studio flat to see a tall, slightly bedraggled brown-haired man standing in her doorstep.

"Why are you here?"

He looks a little hurt and Eponine feels a little bad. "I, uh, I wanted to see you. Like, I mean, if that isn't weird. I mean. Sorry."

"Well don't just stand there, come in. You're letting all the flies in."

"Oh, uh, actually, I was wondering if, I mean, maybe you wanted to go for a drive? Or um, if you don't-"

"Marius Pontmercy," Eponine says, and it would be so easy to slip back into their old banter. So easy. "Of course I'll come. Let me get my jacket." It's 11 PM and she's wide awake, trying to finish a paper for her course on economics. It's boring as hell, and she's glad for the excuse.

Marius's car is old. His grandfather probably bought it for him- they're richer than anyone has the buisiness to be, which always annoyed Eponine when she had to scrape and save for every penny. Nevertheless, the seat is worn and soft, and the hum of the engine calms her.

"So, how have you been?" she asks, feeling so stiff and formal. It hurts and itches at her, the old feelings that she's buried deep beneath her.

"I've been, well, I've been all right, I guess. College was tough. Glad to be done." Eponine still has one more year to finish out, though.

"Are you still in the ABC?" she asks. She broke apart from the rest of the high-school social justice club where she met all of her friends when college took her across the country.

"Yeah, I guess."

"What do you mean, you guess?"

"Well, it's sort of hard. Everyone's doing work or school, and it just..."

"Fell apart?"

"Yeah. I mean, Enjolras is still at it, with Combeferre and Feuilly and a few others, but everyone's so scattered across the country that it gets tough."

"Are Grantaire and Enjolras still together?" asks Eponine, remembering her old friend whom she's all but lost touch with.

"Heck yeah," says Marius. "They were made for each other. I think it's getting serious." The car pulls up to a park, and they stand in the grass, a ways off from the path.

"Speaking of which," Eponine says, feeling her throat close up, "How's- how's Cosette?"

Marius's face lights up with a giddy smile- did he ever look at her like that when they were together?- and holds out his finger. There's a small band on it. "Cosette... she proposed and we're going to get married!"

There was a time when this news would send Eponine running back for the car, to cry in her room alone. But now, even though she feels a little jealousy gnawing at her chest, she's happy for him. And for her. "Congrats, Marius. Really, that's great! When's the wedding?"

"We're thinking next spring. Maybe April or May. Obviously you're invited." He chuckles. "Are you still against the concept of traditional weddings, or would you be open to being a bridesmaid?"

"Yes, I still am, but unlike Enjolras, I am willing to put my ideals aside for my friend. Of course I will."

"See, I can always count on you." He grabs her hand and spins her around, and for once, it doesn't hurt.

"I know my way around."

"Sure you do. You're terrifying."

"Am not!"

"Yeah you are. You're scarier than Enjolras on a coffee withdrawal, and that is saying something."

"Marius," she says, sighing. "Enjolras is not scary. You're just a cowardly noodle. Now, the state of our country? Scary. The prospect of an all-conservative Supreme Court? Terrifying. But Enjolras isn't scary. Unless you ditch meetings to make out with a certain someone."

"I mean, you weren't exactly innocent of that. When, ya know, we were together." He winces at her expression. "Sorry. I'm not good at this whole, talking to people thing."

"Oh. It's fine." She thinks she means it. Maybe she does.

"So... changing the subject... how's Gavroche and Azelma?"

"Azelma's a junior in high school, who is living in a very good foster home with Gavroche, who is in seventh grade if you can believe it."

"I can."

"Yeah, he's like, doubled in size. And in number of detention reports. He got cited by the cops for throwing a rock at a streetlamp and breaking it."

"Why, though?" he asks.

"He said he was bored. Then he said Montparnasse told him to do it. Then he got reminded that Montparnasse lives three towns over. Then he said he was overthrowing the government and was going to barricade off the street."

"He said that to the cops? Like, to their face?"

"Yeah. Javert wasn't very happy. He told him that next time he was caught damaging public property, he'd go to juvie."

"What did he say to that?"

"He just stuck out his tongue and told him to fall off a bridge. And he got cited for damaging property and disrespecting an officer."

"You sound strangely proud of him."

"That's because I am."

The sky's full of stars, and Eponine used to know all the constellations. Not anymore, but they're almost prettier when she's not trying to make sense of them.

Just like life. Just like Marius. Just like everyone. Eponine's learned that reaching for something you can't get never brings anything but hurt. Maybe she still has some feelings for Marius, but she's smart enough to know that he doesn't return them anymore, and she's happy she can be his friend. He was there when nobody else was, and they still have a connection. Just a different sort of one. The kind that doesn't come from kisses and wedding rings, but from nights spent laughing together, and studying and poring over books, and just being completely and one hundred percent there. She's come so far from that scared girl with the bruises and scars and tears, and become someone she could be proud of.

And it's enough. They're enough. She's enough.

She isn't alone anymore, and that's all that matters.