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Who Am I?

Living in this world is so hard. You need to be strong enough to stand for yourself. But sometimes, when life hits you hard, you'll just walk inside your room and hold a mirror to see what the problem is. You'll see what kind of creature you are. Are you a good and kind one or a pretentious, fake, and evil one? Which one are you? Are you scared of your future? Terrified of your present? Or are you still holding on to your past? Who are you?

   ~💜~💜~💜~💜~💜~💜~💜~💜~💜~

Who am I?

I was born into a middle-class family. My parents; gave me clothes to wear, food to eat, a roof over my head, education, and most importantly, they raised me well and they never forget to teach me to trust and praise God. I'm the youngest in our family of four. I have a (2 years gap) older sister. She was recently married last February 2020. She is already happy and settled down.

I am a twenty-five-year-old woman. No permanent job and no savings account. No boyfriend since birth. I only have a college diploma and some certificates. When I was in college, I belong to the dean's list three years in a row. I didn't get the fourth year because of Calculus -_-' . I really hate math. I graduated in college last April 2016. I took Bachelor of Science in Environmental Science.

I actually have a big heart but I'm scared to show it to anyone. Scared to be used and taken for granted.

I hold grudges.

I was emotionally broken since 2008. Betrayed and hurt by some 'friends' in grade school. Been crying my heart out while walking to find a solemn place, where there are no fake people. Been timid, shy, and aloof all my life until I learned to cope up and be fake as well. Faking all my emotions, pretending to be fine, but inside I wanted to commit suicide a lot of times. They think I'm happy with my life, every day I feel like I'm dead.

I love to hear ASMR videos on Youtube. Especially the ones with BTS Jimin's voice comforting me and helping me sleep.

I also like hearing and watching ASMR food videos, I watch them whenever I'm hungry. My favorite YouTubers are Hong Sound, Tzuyang, Zac Choi ASMR, Eat with Boki, G-NI, Hamzy, Kim&Liz ASMR, Jane ASMR, SINCOOK, HANSE, and Dorothy.

I can't cook but I love to experiment with recipes. Whatever comes to my mind, I'll try to make it. Some are tasty and most of them are gross.

I once wish to be a part of an orchestra as a permanent job. Performing around the world, meeting new people, and exploring more to find out who I really am. Sadly, I don't even know how to play any instrument. If one day I'll learn one or two instruments, I'd like to learn cello and piano.

I learned to love the color – moss green. I am also a fan of minimalism.

I always stare at someone's mouth when having a conversation. If I focus on their eyes, I can't understand anything they say. It seems like I get distracted by their eyes.

I'm weak at crying men than women. Whenever I see them cry, my heart breaks, and end up crying also.

Ironically, I hate some men. I developed misandry. It's just a mild one. It's not really a big deal.

I am scared of blood. I feel very weak whenever I saw blood oozing on wounds or getting dry skin on my toes that resulted in getting hurt and blood flowing right through my skin.

I have a phobia called thalassophobia.

I am allergic to shrimps.

I am more like a cat person than a dog person.

I loved one man aside from my Dad. He was 2 years older than me. I'll publish a separate story with this one. It will be called "SYG: Six Years Guy".

I was born on a Friday afternoon on the seventeenth of November year 1995.

This is who I am.

Please treat me well.

Published: November 17, 2020
Time: 12:56 AM