I got home and instantly began to get ready. I straitened my shoulder length hair until it was how I liked it. I then put on a black bring me the horizon shirt, black skinny jeans, black vans and a black leather jacket. I put on eye liner and told my mum I was going to a party with Hannah. "okay, you know what not to do" she said with a sigh. I definitely knew what not to do but I was going to make sure all of it happened. I was surprised my mum let me go to party's after what happened last time. long story short, I got really depressed, got really drunk and took all of the pills in whoever was hosting the party's cupboard, needless to say I was hospitalised and my mum was not happy. Since then I have tried to kill my self on two other occasions. I walked out of the door and instantly felt my social anxiety kick in. luckily, Hannah lived close by so I went to her place before the party. usually, me and Hannah both get waisted and have sex with our partners, randoms or most commonly each other. I don't actually know why we have sex with each other when were drunk as we both know I'm gay. I don't really mind though because we are best friends and no one needs to know about the multiple occasions I have woken up in someone's bath naked with Hannah. in other cases, I have woken up in a bed I don't remember falling asleep in next to some guy I haven't met in my life. needless to say, I really shouldn't drink. when I got to Hannah's house, she opened the door for me and I sat on her bed whilst she got ready. "Try not to fuck me tonight because we will be at my boyfriends house" she said jokingly probably knowing that a lot of the time its her not me. "okay I'll just have to find some strange man that is willing to do me" I said half joking and half knowing I was probably going to wake with a fat 30 year old man and a sore ass. when Hannah was ready to leave, we left and found Garretts house after a few minutes of searching. when we walked through the door there were scene kids everywhere and there was bullet for my Valentine blaring through speakers. I spotted a boy I liked and prayed I would wake up next to him in a bed with a sore butt, rather than alone in a gutter with cut wrists. I decided too talk to him, and hope he was either wasted or more preferred gay.
