Sans Lui (Without Him) - [Short Story]

Sans Lui: Fin

We arrived home from the cemetery and we had a little celebration for my birthday with my family. Gone were the days where I would have grand surprise birthdays, wala na yung pasimuno ng mga ganito.

Nate helped me out the car and walked me to the front door, "Are you sure you don't want me to stay, Mom? Kasi okay lang talaga kay Shane na dito muna ako."

I cupped his face, "Okay lang bebe, mas kailangan ka ng mag-ina mo." I kissed his forehead.

Shane, Nate's wife, walked towards us, "Mom, nag-aalala kasi kami sa'yo. Mag-isa ka lang dito, hayaan mo nalang po na dito muna si Nate kahit ngayong gabi lang.".

I looked at Nate and he smiled at me.

Hay, Ogie, kuhang-kuha ng anak mo ang charm mo.

"Parang tinatakwil mo na ata ako, mom, eh."

I laughed, "O, siya sige." I finally gave in, "Hiramin ko muna ulit tong anak ko ha, Shane?"

She grinned and hugged me before going back to the car. We waved good-bye to them and gone inside the house.

The quietness of this home no longer equates to serene and calm, but loneliness and sadness. I sat on the couch and gazed above our wedding portrait. I used to see it as art but now the blandness of the color and the minimalism of the strokes spoke volume of what my world looks like now, it's dull and void. I moved my eyes to the turn table near the piano. I went nigh and played the last vinyl he put there. It's his gift for me twelve years ago.

I turned to Nate and offered my hand, "Isayaw mo ko anak..."

He stood and took my hand. I placed my head on his chest and we danced.

"Alam mo anak, your dad would always play that record and then we'll dance 'til our knees hurt."

He hummed along, "Ang ganda, mom. How come I never heard of this."

"Your dad never released it. He made it just for me." I said with a slight crack in my voice.

Love me tender, love me sweet...

Never let me go...

You have made my life complete...

And I love you so...

My heart crushed. I could no longer hold back my tears.

I missed you so bad, Baba.

Nate noticed my loud sobs that he stopped dancing. He hugged me close and softly patted my back. I know I shouldn't let my son see me this vulnerable, I should be his strength but my heart could no longer hold the grief I had been feeling. I couldn't help but think of the memories I had of him, I need him. I missed him so much that no words could ever explain the pain it bears.

"Mom, I'm here." Nate continued to comfort me.

I got hold of my emotions and composed myself, "Boo, I want to sleep na. I want to rest." I said while I wiped my tears.

He nodded and guided me up to my room. He gently helped me to lay on my bed and tucked the sheets above me.

"Honey, can you get me one of daddy's coats in his cabinet, please?"
He obliged and went to get his dad's favorite coat.

I got it from his hands and wore it. I imagined my Baba giving me his warmest embrace as I laid back to bed.

"Mom, I'll just get your medicine, okay? Then you can go to sleep."
I nodded in agreement then, he left the room.

With my closed eyes and his warmness surrounding me, I have never felt more at peace. I could sense a higher power at this very moment, I know for while this overwhelming joy fills me, I know Baba it won't be long. It won't be long...

I'll be seeing you soon, my love.

AN: Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I hope you had enjoyed it. God bless!