TÓDÙN

40

TÓDÙN

I was literally shaking, looking at the picture made me feel the chilly. Does that make me the child Funsho's father wants to see? Does that make me Funsho's sibling? Why did she keep denying it? Those were the series of questions that ran through my head. I switched off the mobile data on my phone and pulled the quilt off my head. I sat up again and glanced hard at my mother who was engrossed in reading the bible that was placed before her and her hand clutching tight to the torchlight  I brought from school.

I sent a message to Kunle that I was going to sleep already and switched off my phone. I was totally confused, I didn't know what to do and asking her questions at that late time of the night was something that made me afraid. I couldn't preempt what her reaction will be. What other thing is she keeping that I have no idea of? I have always known my mother to be this kind and gentle woman, she speaks only when spoken to and will go to any extent to make sure she provided what I want but a few days ago, I saw another colour of her when she denied that the man in the picture is not my father. Everything now makes sense, the boy I saw in the picture, the one who was seated on the mothers lap was Funsho and she didn't want me to know that his dad is my Dad, because they are very much alive.

Without thinking twice, I stood up abruptly and went to where the box was placed. Even though, my Mum stood up and kept shouting on me to stop, I was determined. Her yells and plea sounded distant as I pulled the box out to the living room. Using the flashlight of my phone, I opened the box and checked the pictures one after the other.

"Todun, stop it." She shouted and dragged the box away from me. "Have I not told you that we shouldn't discuss anything else about this issue." She continued.

"Mum, is this my father?" I asked her, raised the picture up to my chest level  awaiting her to deny it as usual. Why does she have to find it difficult to own up to me, I was just going to listen because there was nothing I could do about it. "Mum..." I called out again.

"I already explained, I told you he was just someone I used to like and now I don't." She answered and moved closer to me while I opened the chat exchanged between me and Kunle. I turned the face of the phone to her and read what Kunle wrote to accompany it. She stood dumbstruck and looked at me.

"You can't go to him, he must not find you." Now that confirms it, she had been lying to me under the pretence that she once had a crush on him. I grew up believing I had no father, my mates came to events with their fathers and I only went with my Mum putting on her faded clothes and sometimes I went alone acting as my own parents because she had to hawk oranges round the markets. My mates talked of their fathers in high esteem and all I had to carry with me was the feeling that my father loved the foetus I was before he died as explained by my Mum Sometimes I was told he died before I was born, and sometimes I was told after I was born and then I didn't give it a deep thought. I didn't find it suspicious that Mum never showed me my father's picture until a few days ago after the conversation I had with Kunle.

"Why can't I Mum, why?" I asked with tears rolling down my eyes. I found it hard to believe that I was living my life with her in deception. I could have had a better life even as an illegitimate child but she kept me away and kept feeding me with lies.

"You can't, I had to run away so that you would be safe." She explained further. Now she calls this being safe, Do you refer to living in a dilapidated mud house, with the door almost falling off safe? Is having to work my ass out so that we could feed and buy her drugs safe? Do you refer to her, working at a construction site that made her develop a health condition safe? Does walking on the road and hawking oranges referred to as safe? If that is what being safe is...

"...Then I don't want to be safe..." I blurted.

"What?" She asked me looking as surprised as I was. I didn't meant to say that aloud. I went into the room, see she took my cardigan then ran to the door.