ME BESIDE YOU

I dreamed of you. it was a clear bright sky, a vivid sunny afternoon when I was walking along with you on this calm breezing day. I intended to go with you. I can't let you walk alone so I decided to drop you off at the bus station. I took a heavy deep breath and have a little courage to have a small talk with you while we are in our shoes counting steps and the world lost in us. We walk like we don't know where we came from and where we are going. But then while we were saving our precious little time together, the road seems to become shorter and shorter as we walk further on this sidewalk. I can't even imagine why this world is so ruthless that it won't even let us be with each other forever. I want you I do and hoping you want me too. We want to enjoy this moment now more than anything. We walk like there are no other people on this road, like there's no other person with me beside you. How I wish I could, that I could stay with you. As I got nearer and nearer to you to the point that our shoulders and hands meet together, the heavier my emotions come. I know I shouldn't do it. Something is battling in my mind, with this head that is full of argument and doubt and frustrations and anger but my heart, my heart for you will always remain. That is my heart desires. So I took advantage just to see if it will work. I put my bare hand on your shoulder. I hold you like I don't want you to go. I just want to borrow a little time from you. And then I kiss you. I kiss you on your lips like there's no one seeing us like there's no one is watching us. I felt relieved that you did not hit me with those heavy hands. I am at ease. But when our lips go apart I stop breathing I almost lose myself and my world stops for a while when you wrapped your hands around me and hug me tight and smile back at me. Now, the only thing that I know is that I want you to be with me. I want you to stay. That I want to spend all of my time growing old with you but it seems this has to be the end of everything. We already reached our destination where we are parting ways. Where there's a time comes to me that I talk with you, I walk with you thought there's no me and you together. I don't regret it but it is hard for me to accept reality. It was the only memory that I have with you. It was the only day that I smiled with joy in my heart. I go with you on this road knowing that in the end, the only person who walks alone is me. I hate this part. I always come for nothing and ends with nothing. I hate this part when the time I woke up and I open my eyes I see nothing I see no us nor you. I am the only one who still stays for you while you stay for someone else. I fight for you while you fight for others and I love you even when you're not loving me back. I hate this part when I realized that I am the only person still waiting for the time that we can walk again while we hold each other's hands on this road. The road that leads me to you and reminds me of you. Hoping it is real but it is just a merely dreams. A fairytale in my head that seems real but all is just an elaborative imaginations. Though it is just a dream but the pain, the pain seems the same. I know we can never ever be again. We have our own life now. We have our own families and my heart is still lingering for those times when we were young and alive and free from anything that is tying ourselves apart. I hate this part.