your best american girl ✓

"𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙞 𝙙𝙤, 𝙞 𝙛𝙞𝙣𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙙𝙤 -" final a/n that literally no one asked for

UPDATED: 7/31/21

The former author's note was kind of (read: really) a mess, so as I've revisited the ending, I've been thinking about writing a more comprehensive, non-spur of the moment type of acknowledgment. I think once I finished writing, I was so emotional that I couldn't put into words the intense gratitude I was feeling. 

When I first started writing this book at the beginning of July, I had absolutely no direction or plan, and I think it really showed. Every word typed onto the document was literal word vomit, and thankfully, inspiration struck whenever I needed to churn out another chapter. That's one of the reasons why I think this work will forever hold the most special place in my heart. Despite what you might think,Your Best American Girl isn't a book trying to be anything; it is a complete, unjumbled spewing of the interworkings of my brain. 

I strongly believe the best, most visceral inspiration is drawn from experience. And, it shouldn't come as a surprise, but my biggest muse writing this novel has been my mother, who has been my role model since I couldn't walk. Yeah, we might fight about trivial things once and a while, but I will always come home to her, regardless of how angry I am. I hope that feeling of an unwavering connection and emotional attachment to a parent came across while you were reading. Never take anyone for granted because you are not entitled to any sort of love and affection. So, mom, if you're reading this (which I know you aren't, you hate reading and I haven't actually told you about this account), this book is written only for you and me. No one else.  

I'd like to thank all the early readers (you know who you are) of this book for believing in it even in its roughest form. Without you, I wouldn't have the motivation to actually finish and your hilarious comments and overall support have warmed my heart during one of the worst times of my life. You gave this mess a chance; you gave me a chance when no one else would. I will never forget that. 

Lastly, I'd like to thank Mitski, who doesn't know this book even exists. I don't think you understand how much your music has touched me. I don't know you personally, but through your lyrics, you somehow manage to articulate the essence of my soul in a way no one else can. From depression to feeling lost to the hatred of societal norms to loneliness to self-loathing, you sang about themes I had never heard in music in a way so equally gut-wrenching and intellectual, all while being one of the only representatives of Asian women in the indie scene. That's insane. Without you, this would've never been possible.