I Used To Do It Too

How It Started

I was always Christian. I never changed my religion, but I was blinded by the devil and the needs of the flesh.

I was only fifteen years old when it all started. My friends started to leave me. One by one. They all dropped me like a hot potato and left alone to cry quietly in the bathroom corner every single day. This was when I started drifting away from the only people who cared about me. My family. No, saying family is not as specific as it should be. Everyone cared except for my sister. Everytime I ever tried reaching out for her, she would stare at me and walk away. She's also one of the main reasons I started drifting away.

I remember when I was sixteen years old. I was telling her how hard and emotional my day was. All she did was sigh and said "Why are you bothering me? Deal with it!". Those words circled countless number of times around my head. I ran to my bedroom with tears gushing out. Slowly, I reached out for my razor and sat in a corner. The razor was shiny and beautiful against my skin. I started slitting my skin. Line by line. The sight of my blood gave me joy. The pain? Well, the pain was tingly, I enjoyed it. Each line of a fresh new cut seemed to patch up my heart and make me feel whole again.

The next day after my new avenue, my whole character took a u-turn and changed direction. I wasn't the girl I was before. I stole $100 from my mother's purse to be able to pay for new black clothes and black makeup. EVERYTHING BLACK!

I arrived to school an hour late (which was unusual because I was usually an hour early). That day I wore a black mini-skirt, a black crop-top, black combat boots and my makeup was ALL BLACK. My dark side was fun. It gave a little spark to my life. Many of the boys who would have never talked to me, made cat noises and whistled as I got into the class. I lifted up my middle finger to the whole class to enlighten them that I didn't care anymore.

"Miss. MacKenzie!" My teacher, Mr. Johnson shouted, "Why are you late?" He asked with a lower voice.

"Wouldn't you like to know. I would love to tell you my whereabouts but, that's none of your business" I replied. A part of me wanted to withdraw what I had just said, but my dark side refused. You know in the cartoon when there's an angel on your right shoulder and a devil on your left? Yes, I felt like they were both instructing me on what to do. I would have listened to the angel but the devil was louder, telling me to spit out mean words and make the dark side take over me.

I kinda felt bad. Mr Johnson was the sweetest teacher I knew. He was doing an internship to see whether he wanted to take up teaching as a career. He was 18. Quite young. His full name is Charles, Charles Johnson. He had leg cancer on his left leg below the knee. He got it amputated and was able to get a robotic leg. His caramel skin was so perfect, you could imagine him being a walking caramel block. His eyes were hazelnut brown, more like ginger and his hair was a light brown colour. He usually kept his hair as a natural afro (quite cool). His beautiful white teeth which could light up the whole room and make it filled with smiles (my dark side hated it). Mr Johnson's voice was deep, soft and friendly. Absolutely anyone could approach him. He was never uptight and stern like the other teachers. Which is why I felt really bad.

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A/N...Hi beautiful people! First chapter of my book is now complete (monkey dance).
This chapter is dedicated to my chomie Malvin. Thanks for all the support with my other book!

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Mwaaa...xx
#Ellie