Little Bird (Ed Sheeran)

Chapter 3 ~ Moni

                I’m fine and nobody killed me. You’ll have to see me again –Moni

I hit send when I’m crossing the door of mine and Mila’s flat and it’s incredibly late, so I don’t think she’s awake. I can’t believe we spent so much time in that place, eating, chatting and playing games. If that was a date, it was the best date of my life. I really had a great time and even though I was nervous at the beginning, I relaxed later on and really enjoyed myself.

To my surprise, Mila is on the sofa with a book and a steamy cup of tea, Lizzie –her iPad– is on the coffee table as well and when I walk in, she puts the book aside and jumps to her feet, a big smile on her lips and I swear to Zeus she’s about to jump on me as well. She looks like a little dog when its master has come home. I don’t have a good feeling about this.

“You got home. I thought you were going to spend the night at Ed’s,” she says and my eyes shoot wide open. She laughs shamelessly at me, the bitch. “Kidding, I know you’re not that kind of girl. Did he kiss you at least?” she asks next and I groan like a dying animal. Okay, I take that back; a dying animal would sound nicer than what I just did.

“Mila, don’t say bullshit. Of course he didn’t!” I reply walking towards the sofa and stumbling on it. “We just hang out as friends. Like when I go out with Harry or any of the other boys,” I tell her taking Prim –my iPhone– and opening my favourite app: CSR Racing. I’m just addicted to that game. I want all the cars.

“And I’m JK Rowling. You stop saying bullshit, that was a date and you better stop denying it. You fancy him, he fancies you. What’s the problem?” she asks me taking Prim out of my hands so I can fully concentrate on her.

“Ed doesn’t fancy me,” I reply and even though I know it’s true, it hurts. I’m not used to have feelings for someone. Someone real and that is part of my life. I always have platonic loves and I like that, it’s safer. But this has started to get out of my hands and the pain is different now.

My feelings for Ed had changed since we met.

“But you didn’t deny you fancy him,” she states and I shut my eyes tightly. I let that slip. “I knew it, though. I know you, missy.”

I sigh starting to feel lost. “I don’t like this, Mila. You know I don’t know what to do with real feelings. It scares me,” I confess taking my left hand to my right wrist, right where I have one of my tattoos. Those words that have so much meaning to me and that only a few know the real meaning of.

Mila sees me doing this and takes my hand tangling our fingers together. “It’s gonna be fine. I’m telling you this. Ed fancies you, this was a date and you better stop denying it or you’ll miss your opportunity to have something beautiful. I want to see you in love, Moni. I want you to be happy with someone, even if it’s just for a little bit. I want you to let yourself feel again,” my best friend tells me and I see so much emotion in her eyes that I feel a lump in my throat.

“What if I end up broken again?” I ask with a little voice, really scared.

“This time you have me to pick up the pieces and if he hurts you, I’ll beat the hell out of him. Ginger teddy bear or not, I’ll make him regret his existence,” she warns and I laugh at the way she refers to Ed.

“What if I hurt myself?”

“I won’t let you,” she replies.

My head hurts, I don’t want to keep thinking of this, I don’t want to keep feeling like this. I’m confused and I feel like my feet are not touching the ground. I need something to stand on but there’s nothing. I’m free falling and I’m terrified. For the first time in so long, I’m really scared.

* * *

I wake up at the sound of Prim telling me I have an incoming call. With just one eye open, I take my phone and put it next to my ear after sliding my index finger over the screen. I leave the phone there and I close my eyes.

“Did I wake you up?” A deep voice asks and my eyes shoot open when I recognise it. I need to personalise his ringtone so this will never happen again.

“Ed! Uh, yeah but it’s okay, I had to get up anyways,” I tell him without moving a little bit but fully awaken this time. “What’s up?” I ask before an awkward silence forms between us.

“Oh, I just wanted to know if you’re free this afternoon. I thought we could watch a film or something. What do you say? I can come over to your place,” he tells me and I sit straight, the mutant butterflies in my stomach have woken up as well and they are having a heavy metal concert in my belly.

“Uh, I don’t have plans but I don’t think it’s a good idea that you come here. Zayn is coming and I’m sure they want some time alone. I was going to go out anyways, to buy some books and to the grocery shop. I can go to your place if you want,” I reply and I wonder if he notice how shaky my voice sounds.

I hate how he disarms me so easily, how I feel small and exposed at the mere thought of us spending time alone. It wasn’t like this before, we could spend time alone and my mind wouldn’t go crazy and no butterfly was partying hard in my belly.

“Sweet. I’ll see you later, then. Any film in particular you want to watch?” he asks me but my mind doesn’t work. Not sure if it’s because it’s too early or because I know I’ll see him later. Probably a combination of both.

“Not a horror film or I’ll fall asleep,” is the only thing I say and I hear him chuckle.

“Okay, I’ll look for something then. See ya soon, Moni,” he says and I feel my mutant butterflies cooing.

“See you soon,” I reply and look at the clock on my wall. “And good luck in your interview,” I add with a little smile.

We hang up and I put Prim aside letting myself fall backwards. Five seconds later, realisation hits me: I’m having a date with Ed tonight.

“Mila!” I scream not caring if she is awake or not.

-:-:-:-

Dedication goes to Sophie because she really likes Edni (:

Bel, xx