Roommates

1

Can there be a friendship between a man and a woman, without one falling for another? The question hasn't failed to leave her mind lately. She tried not to fall for him. But well, how couldn't she?

Bucky was everything she ever wanted in a guy. Sure, he looked great - a bit of an understatement, to be honest. Long dark hair framing his chiselled face adorned with a stubble. Piercing blue eyes that held the dark secrets of his fragile soul. Just thinking about his heavenly sculpted body made her cheeks flush with red. But it was the way he smiled that pulled her under. She loved to make him laugh and see his face brighten. To wipe that frown off of his beautiful face. How could she not after all that he has been through? Sometimes she just wanted to hold him and let him know that he can finally be himself. She wanted him to bloom.

But he didn't feel the same about her. Tears started rolling down her cheeks as a realization came to her. Pain in her chest exceeding limits of her frail heart, making her silently cry in her bedroom once again. She was desperate at this point. Deciding to bury her feelings deep within her soul, she put on her big girl pants and was determined to forget. Just for one night.

"Hey, Y/N, the dinner is ready."

Startled by Bucky's sudden invasion of her room, she quickly dried her tears.

"Are you ok, doll?" A bitter smile crawled on her face and she nodded her head as an answer. Bucky often called her a variety of pet names. Doll, doll face, kitten, baby girl, sweetheart and many more. They never failed to make her heart skip a beat. But as of late, she has grown to resent them. She hated how they made her feel. How they made her fall in love with Bucky more each time he called her by those stupid pet names. She was upset with herself, feeling like some untouched teenage girl again.

"Well then, come with me. The dinner's getting cold."

Bucky hurried out of the room. He couldn't stand seeing her like this. Y/N had never cried in front of him before. She looked almost broken, not like her strong stable every day self. Oh no, was she putting up a mask around him? He hated to think that she wasn't comfortable sharing what's on her mind with him. He longed to take her in his arms and hold her, make her feel safe.

And yet, he couldn't. She obviously didn't feel the same about him. And Bucky didn't blame her. He was too shy to make a move. Scared of what her answer may be. Afraid to ruin the great friendship that has been developing between them. Sometimes he could swear she felt it too. The feather-like touches, longing stares, bones crushing hugs she'd give him after he's been away for missions. He felt sparks of hope flutter in his chest every time and still it wasn't enough of a sign for him to act on his feelings. It didn't matter anyway. Bucky was sure she wasn't interested in dating a broken man like himself. As much as he and his therapist worked on his selflove, deep down he knew he would never be worthy of the cheerful girl, that brought so much light to his darkness.

There was only one person allowed to get a peak of his true self. His best friend Steve. No other Avenger, nor his therapist were able to make him drop his guard. But not Y/N. She saw right through his tough act and built up walls. She wasn't afraid of him and didn't treat him like an unstable volcano in a human form.

"How is it, that you're not scared of me?" Bucky asked. Puzzled expression on his face made him look like a lost puppy. Y/N giggled at him.

"How could I be scared? In my eyes, you're just a gentle giant who needs some love." She proclaimed, giving him a warm smile. Bucky was dumbstruck. No one has ever considered that he had feelings too. She made him feel human. Almost normal.

At that moment he knew, he was in love.

Bucky smiled at that memory. He joined the rest of the team for dinner, anxiously waiting for Y/N to arrive. Finally, she made her way to the kitchen, but instead of sitting down next to him, she just stopped to say she wouldn't be joining them and left. Bucky flinched a bit as she shut the front door. Others may have not noticed, but he didn't miss her poorly hidden bloodshot eyes and overall sadness of her slumped shoulders.

Sudden flow of courage filled his body. Decision to ask her out surprised him but simultaneously made him burn with anticipation. He decided to ignore the voices in his head telling him how he's not good enough. He wanted her to be content and safe. He was willing to do whatever it takes, to ensure her happiness. She cared so much for everyone around her, now it was time for Bucky to show her, that someone cared back.

Y/N felt horrible for storming out like that. She saw Bucky's worried expression over the kitchen table. But how could she talk to him, if he's the reason behind her pain?

With the winter coming, the days were getting shorter. Her legs were on auto-mode, as she let herself be carried away wherever they would take her. November air was freezing her little body as she clung to her leather jacket. Deciding to warm herself up and keeping that promise of forgetting from earlier, she made her way to a nearby bar.

Ordering a drink, she instantly downed it. Bittersweet liquor burned her throat but soon she felt the warmth spreading through her chest. Motioning to bartender, she ordered another glass. Never been keen on the whole drinking experience, Y/N found herself tipsy after just a few sips.

Y/N had never understood why people fancied getting drunk. She didn't like the taste, nor smell of most alcoholic beverages and she was afraid of all the possibilities of making a fool of herself once drunk. But the truth was, she felt like a fool when she was sober, so what else could she do. Alcohol provided her much needed lethargy. She realized she's not going to find the answers for her questions at the bottom of the bottle, but it wouldn't hurt to try.

"Rough day?" Y/N turned her head, to see where the voice was coming from. On the barstool next to her sat a guy, offering her another drink. If she were sober, she wouldn't have accepted the glass with brown liquid in it. She didn't know the guy, let alone trust him with her drinks. But again, she was drunk. Grabbing the glass from the stranger, she gulped it down her throat and gave him a smile in return.

"I'm Jason." The man extended his arm in a greeting gesture. Accepting his handshake, she spoke softly.

"I'm Y/N. Nice to meet you, Jason." Seems like the alcohol held the answers after all.