Shang Qinghua looked at the screen of the laptop with the feeling that he hasn't accomplished anything, the thousands of comments from devoted readers praising his work meant nothing to him, not anymore.
Lately, the only things that he felt were pain and emptiness. Everything hurt too much, and anything seemed to relieve that pain, although is not like he had much to relieve it anyway. He had no friends, no family, or at least not a loving one that would care about him and his feelings, no nothing. The only things that he had were the comments and the approval of online people, and for some time that was enough, it made him feel a spark of happiness even, made him feel a little bit proud, but that stopped working not long ago. It wasn't enough anymore. He wished for something real, friends that would come along to his house to laugh or cry while seeing a movie, people that would care about him for real, not some comments that as time passes only looked like empty words, but that maybe was because of his mood.
For him, life was meaningless. What was the point of doing everything he is doing? He only writes because his readers keep asking for more, demanding more and more, more smut, more stupid wife plots, and he had to write them to pay the bills, to keep living, but why? He doesn't want to keep living, so why keep writing to pay things? He lost the thrill and the love of writing stories a long time ago, since he had to blend the plot to satisfy the readers, so for him there wasn't anything to go on living for.
He decided to listen to one of the haters that always left a comment to complain about the story, his comments were alway the longest and more elaborated ones, Peerles Cucumber if he remembers correctly, and put an end to his pathetic life. He went to the bathroom, filled the bathtub and got inside it. He took tons of pills and swallowed them in one go, then with trembling hands slithed his wrists. He knew that no one would find him in days, maybe weeks, so he was sure that he wouldn't survive this, he finally will be able to rest in peace, without suffering more.
This was his end.
YOU ARE READING
I should be happy but I cant get out my bed (MoShang)
FanfictionEveryone thought that Shang Qinghua did everything that he did to stay alive. They couldn't be more wrong, Shang Qinghua couldn't care less about his life, his death before transmigrating was the proof.
