Thoughts & Vises

nothing i do is good enough

As you might guess from the title, i am not enough and no i didn't just decide this it became apparent to me long ago when i was young. I am the second child so i always had yo be as good as my sister and when i couldn't do that well it was obviously me not being good enough, or so my mother seemed to think.

I was having such a good day my dysphoria was small and i was hanging out with new friends but then the day had to end. I had to come home and take off my binder, i had to pretend to be the perfect little daughter but i got away soon enough. You might be wondering why i am so sad right now and the answer is very simple, I was trying my best to help my friend and i obviously wasn't good at it because the other people in the groupchat started saying that what i said doesn't help at all and it wouldn't fix anything. I have severe problems with my brain (I'm not diagnosed yet so i can't say why) and so i took this as "not being good enough".

I started crying, I don't know why it just happened. I am now sitting in the dark hugging a pillow and wrapped in a blanket writing this because this seems to be the only way that i can calm myself. I wish i could just not be so sensitive, it has ruined so many things for me and others.

I am going to continue crying for now but I'll stop writing for now because i need to answer some people that know i was crying (I'm going to lie about why i was crying) I'll see you next time

Goodnight.