love me until the end

the party

[Saturday night]

My friend Emma wants me to go to a party with her, (again) I don't like parties but I only go so she won't be alone cause who knows the type of people who go to these parties, and also so I can have a change of scenery for once in my life. We leave for the party wearing our best clothes, I'm going to be honest to myself I actually tried to look good for the party for the first time in a long time. We reach the party its huge, people running around, screaming, music, and people making out with each other in every direction. Girls walking around wearing near to nothing. I start to question myself, I look down at myself and frown. I knew I shouldn't have tried to look good because I knew I was never going to look good.

Emma ends up walking over to a group of her friends, so I decide to go over to the drink station, where I see a boy, with dark brown curly hair, he's tall, tan and absolutely beautiful. I grab a drink and walk back over to where I was standing, the music is so loud the floor is shaking. My anxiety kicks in, all these bad thoughts, why am I here? Why did I try and look good? Why did I even come here?

He looks at me from across the room, why is he staring I think to myself. Do I really look that bad, I tried to look nice, I know I shouldn't have tried to look good I've never looked good before in my life. Wait he's walking towards me, oh shit! Why is this happening? Why is he coming over to me?

"Hi I'm Jacob" he speaks, flicking his brown curly hair to the side.

"Oh, um hi I'm bailey", I say nervously

"Sooo great party, why are you here?"

"I'm here with my friend, she's right over there".

"Oh nice, so I just saw you standing here and couldn't help myself but to say something to someone as beautiful as you".

"Who me, beautiful? You must be blind I'm not beautiful, and I'll never be beautiful".

"Ooh don't say that, and trust me I'm not blind my vision is just fine".

"So do you really think I'm beautiful? Or are you just trying to flatter me with such charming words?"

"Oh so you think I'm charming now do you?"

"You didn't answer my question".

"Well if this answers your question, out of every girl in this room, you are the one who stands out, you are the one with the prettiest face, so yes I do think you're beautiful".

Wait, someone finds me beautiful, now he must be lying, unless he's not then how? How does someone as handsome and beautiful as him find someone such as me beautiful? This was a first. It's probably not true he's probably lying. My anxiety starts to kick in I start thinking about all the bad things that could happen, all the reasons to why he's probably lying, all the things that will happen if I fall in love with this person.

"Hello? You there?"

"Oh yeah, so you find me beautiful? Sorry not to sound rude but this is a first for me."

He looks at me with a surprised look. God he's handsome, he's the honestly the hottest guy I've ever seen in my life. You probably think I'm over exaggerating but it's true. We both stand still in silence for a few seconds before he breaks the silence.

"So you're telling me, no one's ever said you looked beautiful. Cause if it is true maybe those are the ones who have something wrong with their eyesight"

I let out a small grin, Jacob looks at me and smiles too.

"Well not exactly, I've been called beautiful but not to be nice."

"What do you mean?"

"it's always a way for them to get to me, to make me believe I'm beautiful, then they tell me it wasn't true and that I'll never be beautiful. So that's why I was so surprised when you called me beautiful".

"Damn, I didn't know that I'm sorry"

"Nah I'm used it honestly I've kind of accepted it not going to lie".

"Well bailey, just letting you know I genuinely believe that you are the most beautiful girl I've laid eyes on."

We lock eyes for a while, his blue eyes shimmers in the moonlight, his smile is beautiful. Am I really falling for this dude? I think to myself, I've only known him for a few hours and yet I feel a connection with him, it feels like I've known him forever yet I haven't. After about 2 minutes of just staring each other, we are rudely interrupted by Emma,

"Oh hey guys, bailey is it ok if you find your own way home tonight, I met this really cute guy and I'm going to his for the night".

"Really? Again, Emma you can't keep doing this"

"Whoa chill".

"I came to this party for you not for you to run of another guy"

"You didn't have to come, and it looks like you're having enough fun without me"

"Wow Emma, you're going to come over here and tell me I didn't have to come, and the only reason I came was so you could meet up with some other dude you can go and have sex with"

"Well at least I'm able to get a guy to like me"

"You know what Emma I am so sick and tired of this shit, you always say for me to go out there and put myself out there. And yet when I do meet someone you make fun of me or try and take them for yourself"

"Well I'm sick of you always complaining about all your ex's bailey, complaining about your shitty relationship with your dad and mum"

"My dad abuses me every fucking day, my mum doesn't do shit she stands there and watches it happen, my ex's all abused me too. I was raped by one of my ex's, and I tell you this stuff because I thought I could trust you."

"Yeah well we all go through our own problems bailey"

"what problems Emma, you don't have any all you complain about is not being able to find a guy to go sleep with, you know what it doesn't matter cause after all we've been through you have never been there for me."

I was on the verge of tears at this point, Emma had just made my anxiety go through the rood. All I wanted to do was rant to give it to her but I controlled myself. I was feeling all these emotions, anger, and sadness. Emma just stands there and watches me. Jacob places his hand on my back, cause he can see I'm about to cry. I walk away Jacob follows close behind me, I can't say anything all I can do is cry I fall down to the grass and sit there and cry. Jacob holds me and tells me everything is ok. Why is he so nice to me? He only just met me? But I don't say anything I just let him hold me.

"I'm sorry you had to hear that"

"Don't be sorry, I can totally understand why you're upset"

"It's just its every time we go out she always goes home with another dude and expects me to find my own way home"

"Do you want to talk about it? I'm here to listen"

"Yeah"

we sit down in his car, and I start telling him about how my dad would abuse me, and how my mother would make me believe it was my fault. How my ex's were all abusive, and how I was raped at the age of 17. I could see his face drop as soon as I said that, he seemed sorry for me I don't know how this made me feel it made me feel comforted cause he knew what I was going through. He didn't have pity on me, he didn't treat me like some fragile girl. He treated me like a human, and this made me feel good.

"I'm so sorry you had to go through all that, bailey"

"Thank you, but it's been hard to stay strong especially when you're the one expected to be strong"

"then don't, don't try to pretend everything's ok, tell your friends how you feel and what you're going through, and if they make you feel bad for doing so, then they aren't your real friends"

"Thanks"