recovery as told by an addict in recovery

living in recovery

 
Everyone of us will have those days that we feel like the world is collapsing in front of us, other days it may feel like we’ve just conquered the tallest mountain in the world .Just take it day by day Step by step.Recovery is a rollercoaster
It is completely normal to have those set backs, relapses and much more.
It’s okay to not be okay .We’ve got you you You are not alone We can fight this together. nobody will be able to work a perfect recovery program, the goal is to work it to the best of your ability, the goal is to carry the message to those who are still struggling because we can only keep what we have by giving it away. I know about addiction far too well for it has impacted my life and that of my family and friends. My biggest pet peeve is when people say "you had a perfect life, how could you mess it up like this over alcohol or drugs" or "if you want help you should just ask" or "We've already been down this road before and that it didn't work last time..." addiction literally consumes your soul and it's all you can think about! No one wakes up one day and says I want to be an alcoholic,or addicted to heroin,cocaine, opiates,or meth for the rest of my life... So today more than ever, I pray for the healing of addiction for all that are still struggling. I am the face of an addict. I won't sugar coat it. I consumed massive quantities of substances.  I'm not ashamed of my past anymore. Today I am a GREAT HUMAN  and I fought like hell to become him.  Anyone who knows me knows I am an open book. That offends some people, and that's okay. It’s not their story to own, but I'm owning mine. Its helped me survive. I love who I am becoming today! I LOVE HELPING OTHERS LEARN HOW TO ACCEPT THEIR BROKEN PIECES. IT DOESN’T DEFINE OUR OVERALL BEAUTY .We HAVE to stop pretending that addiction is something to be ashamed of. We HAVE to talk about it. IF WE DONT... HOW CAN WE OVERCOME IT? Addiction sucks for the addicts and their families. But when we silence the problem and pretend like everything is okay when it isnt, the fire grows, and disintegrates everything in it's path.
Active addiction scared me and hurt me, it was scary going days without having food clothing and shelter, it hurt me knowing that my family no longer wanted me around. Feeling abandoned only intensified my drug use until I got to points where I started feeling numb.For me, active addiction was terrifying, having a mental disability on top of that made it worse. It was hard not knowing when I was going to be able to eat again. It was pain beyond pain. It was hard to think about when I would be able to sleep again and feel safe. Active addiction tore me up mentally physically emotionally and spiritually, I felt like I was the lowest of the low, not worthy of anything less than death. It made me feel like nobody cared and I would constantly cut on myself in order to feel the stress go away.When I was in active addiction I felt empty inside, I felt that everyone gave up on me, and drugs were my only comfort. I would continue to get high and drink water so that I wouldn't feel hunger pains, I was getting really skinny to the point where people could see my bones. I got kicked out of a recovery house one time and I went on a binge, smoking $200 worth of methamphetamine by myself in less than 1 hour. I instantly started cutting on myself and I felt a near death experience, I passed out and woke up in the hospital wondering where I was. And it was on October 13, 2019 I was transferred to Salina Kansas to a hospital there, I was in the behavioral health unit for 4 days then I made the decision to go to treatment because I didn't want to go through that anymore. Today I'm one year one month and 3 days clean from all drugs by the grace of God