The Monsters We Know And Love

~~~

It had been days since Rin had seen Dabi, and he was no stranger to his mysterious disappearances. He expected them, he didn't worry when his firey companion did not return home. 

Rin did not question the DNA analysis Dabi had him run, but would not let him read. He did not question the hair dye remover he caught him poorly trying to hide in a bathroom they shared. Privacy was something they had respected with one another.

It was the middle of the day, Rin had his tv on, watching the news, laughing as they tried to calm the people about the current events, when suddenly the screen changes.

Rin watched, first in curiosity, then awe as he saw Dabi, or as he was now telling the world, Touya. Telling the horrors of his past he had once whispered to Rin. He dumped the hair dye remover on his head, his hair going from black to white. He screamed in Endeavor's face, and Rin could see for a second the look of horror and pain his brother wore, he could see the tears streaming down his face. 

No matter what Dabi did, Rin could not bring himself to tear his eyes away. Not even as Dabi played the video of Jin's death. Rin knew the real happening of that night, knew the biased and incorrect narrative the cropped video told. Even as he choked out a sob, he could not look away.

He had loved him, RIn realized for a second. This man, who had just openly admitted to killing thirty people, who has done so much wrong, and who destroyed the faith of millions. He had loved him. He was a monster and he had loved him.

The thought made him sick.

He turned off the tv the moment fire started flying. He could not watch this fight. He did not want to know if he'd survived. He did not know if him dying or living scared him more. 

Dabi... Touya was not a good person. Had never claimed to be, and Rin had known he'd taken lives. He knew under those scars on his skin were scars on his soul that left him a monster, regardless, a monster with warm hands who knew him so well. At times he could almost forget who he is and what he's done. When he did small, sweet, insignificant things.

This was a reminder, he told himself. A reminder to not forget what lies under the surface.

~so this is where I say fuck canon, Dabi wins and escapes somehow sftu~

Rin heard a knock on his door and his stomach filled with dread.

He answered regardless, only to find the burnt man he had expected.

He almost considered slamming the door in his face, but he didn't. Dabi was limping, he was.... more burnt than usual, but otherwise seemed unharmed.

He did not speak, he only limped to the couch, threw himself down, and fell asleep. It was not the first time, and Rin suspected not the last, that he considered smothering him with a pillow.

He woke up a few hours later, sitting up and looking around, Rin did not give him the time to fully wake up before scowling at him. "What have you done?"

"Considering your tone, you know." His voice sounded weak, raw.

"Do you ever consider how what you do will hurt others? That broadcasted to every screen in Japan! You're siblings, your mother! Everyone!"

He only blinked, "The world needed to know."

"Did they need to know like that? Touya, did you see his face? You forget that your brother is just a kid. He's no more to blame for his upbringing than you are."

"He," Dabi spat the word like it was a curse, " Is the reason everything fell apart."

"You," Rin matched the venom in his tone, "cannot blame him for being abused, you self centered asshole. Now, not only have you no right to hate him but what about Fuyumi and Natsuo? Your mom? How do you think they feel right now?"

He looked away and didn't answer.

"Next time you get fucked up in a fight, find a new place to go." 

That caught his attention, his eyes widened and he opened his mouth to protest, but Rin cut him off, "I'm not your personal nurse, I'm not your anything. You crossed a fucking line. Another one. I'm done forgiving and making excuses and forgetting."

"I'm-"

"If you apologize I swear to god I will freeze your fucking face off."

Rin's hands shook, but he maintained the normal temperature. 

Dabi was not stupid, and he was not blind. The anger in Rin's voice did not even come close to the pain in his eyes. Eyes that were now filled with tears, eyes he only now noticed were red and puffy. Rin had been crying before he even got here. He looked at Rin, really looked for the first time since he'd arrived.  His hands shook and his breathing was uneven, he was seconds from losing it. Whether that meant going through with his threats or crumbling to the ground in a sobbing mess, Dabi did not want to find out.

He stood up and he left.

Rin felt so many things as he watched the door slam. Anger, sadness, relief, and a gaping hole of loneliness. He did not let himself ponder if he made a mistake, he just broke down, falling to his knees as those tears he had held in fell. 

He's a monster, he reminded himself. 

He hated him, hated his cocky, arrogant smile, and his cruel words and actions. He hated him so much but he loved him. He loved that monster.

And he had made a mistake, but was it taking him in to begin with, or letting him go?