Of Untold Origins

In the Beginning

     My people call me Ruina, and I am beginning to suspect that I don't belong here. I am different from every person I have ever known both physically and mentally. My people are tall, strong and can do things that I cannot. In appearance they have larger features and are free of any blemishes. I have smaller features, as well as skin with small, dark spots that appear scattered across it that they call "freckles" that only I alone have. I am always behind in skill when it comes to communicating mind to mind, and I'm slow when it comes to problem solving. When they speak to one another with only their minds, I can only hear whispers if anything at all, and when we study mathematics, it takes me much longer to sort out the equations that the others solve instantaneously. 

     Still, I am made to do all of the things the others in the Secundus group do. Our group is under the supervision and teachings of the Primo group. Those in Primo have existed for much longer than any of us in Secundus and have the wisdom needed to teach us how to use our skills and live humbly. While I struggle with all of the work given to us, I am still encouraged along the way by everyone. One of our greatest rules is to never harm one another or to let one another become harmed, so the others actively seek to keep me distracted from any frustration I may feel because of my differences. That's another trait that sets me apart from the others; I feel differently from them. I experience far more anger, pain and sadness then they do. One of the Primos called my excess of emotions a "design defect" and that there is nothing that can be done other than to manage it.

     I must admit that this has bothered me far more than anything ever has. Each time I remember those words, it leads me to think about all the other things the Primos refuse to properly explain to me. I have no parents here, each one of the other Secundus have one to two parents they live with and go to at the end of each day. My home is here, at the base of the cliff away from the other homes that line the fields, and I sleep alone each night. I've been told there are many reasons for this. Due to my struggles with physical labor, it's better for the others to be closer to the crops. To answer the question of parents I was told that mine passed soon after my birth, but what I find strange is that "passing" is a forbidden subject that we are never allowed to ask details about, so I'm not sure what it means exactly other than the passed are not here with us. 

     I've grown frustrated with these explanations and with the rules we are made to live under which lack reasons. I have frequently been reprimanded for continuing to question for more specific answers. The usual correction for my wrongdoings is verbal silence. The others will not speak openly to me and are not allowed to acknowledge me unless I speak to them mind to mind. This is supposedly also to help me develop my skills, but I feel this is wrong. It feels more like a reminder that I am less than them. I feel so small all the time, and I feel even smaller when they don't realize that they are harming me. 

     If it weren't for Amico, I'd feel entirely alone. Amico is a bit of a rule-breaker too, although much more undercover whereas I break rules openly. Most of the rules he breaks are usually for my sake, which causes me to feel a little guilty, but I'll accept that small amount of guilt over feeling like no one is truly attempting to understand me. He secretly helps me with mathematics and mind to mind communicating, and when I've asked him why he helps me, he tells me it's because he feels it's harmful that the others let me struggle the way they do. I'm grateful that at least one person here thinks of me individually, Amico makes each of my days a little easier. 

     During our free time, I usually choose to go off my own, down to the riverbank to look at the forbidden, abandoned city across the water. The buildings are different from the ones we reside in, taller and made from shiny, reflective material. The Primos tell us the reason they abandoned them is because they ceased to serve their purpose and to live in them would be an act of materialism, so we are better off living in our homes made from the ground. Of course when I asked what purpose the city served I was reprimanded, but there are no rules preventing me from watching the city across our river, trying to come up with some theory as to what these structures could have been for.