You thought my life was hard then!? Talk about now! My body is sliding down a tube. Rude might I tell you.
Oof-
Fucking ouch. It burns. It's picking away at my vegetable meat. Taking away any happiness that somehow remained in my body.
It's been ages. It still hurts. I can now see other chunks of my body. Floating. Burning. Dying. Simple.
Why me. Couldn't it be anyone else??? If it were someone else would I still be subject to the same fate? Would it be worse if a crusty hare came along, chewed me up, and regurgitate it into its babies? Maybe that's birds who does that. Either way, I'm sure any other way of going is better.
If I survive I could go on and on about "I fought that bird to the death! This is nothing compared to what Mr Thanksgiving had to deal with!" Then maybe Suzi would like me.
Suzi was gorgeous. She wasn't one of those odd bunch veges. No no. She was as ripe and crunchy as a snow white apple. Her orange wasn't like anyone else.
Most importantly, she was our bunch's sexy tramp. She'd fuck and flirt with EVERYONE. She even did an eggplant once. You could bet that if she was able to, she'd fuck every vege in the aisle... Except me.
Suzi never like me. Not since I called her filthy slut. I thought she like it, I heard her dad call her that many times and she would moan and moan in her own little carroty way. Or maybe there were many dads? Come to think of it, she even called my mate Garry 'daddy.' and I know for a fact he didn't have kids. His tip and leaves were missing.
I've realised I've started jerking off one of my many chunks thinking about darling Suzi. Perhaps it's my way of forgetting that I'm burning OR perhaps I'm just distracting the reader from the actual story by making them question how and what carrots get up to. And maybe, just maybe. The reader realising I've broken the fourth wall.
Jizz, how do carrots do that again? SPLASH! That's not jizz.
Descent. That's all I feel.
Whooplah! Like a rollercoaster. Again in a tube.
Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.
OH HOLY FUCKING J.C. FUCKING FUCK FUCK!
... I'm only slipping. Now falling.
SPLASH!!
Not again.
I have no arms, no legs, no head, half a body and I'm submerged in water.
Only this time, I'm actually a turd in water.
Not only that, I'm next to the hater of shits. Corn.
