better.

O22

monday, 8:41 pm

"bilisan mo maglakad, kim jisoo!"

i snickered as i heard taehyung screaming my name at the middle of the night while he was just there sitting at one of the benches. hindi naman kalakihan ang heels ko kaya hindi ako nahirapang maglakad patungo sakanya.

the soccer field was too wide for the both of us. halos abutin pa ako ng ilang minuto bago umabot sa kinauupuan niya.

we could still hear the music across the gym. doon kasi ginanap ang christmas gala na hindi rin naman kalayuan dito. umupo na ako sa tabi niya at tahimik na pinagmasdan ang tahimik at madilim na paligid.

"bat ka nandito?"

"kasi wala ako don," he deadpanned and even shrugged. tipid ko siyang hinampas sa dibdib na nakapagpasigaw sakanya dahil sa sakit. he stood up dramatically and held his chest, telling me how hurt he was.

"oa mo, di naman malakas hampas ko!"

we were about to argue with each other when a new melody played from the speakers of the gym. sabay pa kaming napalingon doon at napansing bago na ang kanta kaya madaming eatudyante nanaman ang mga tumatayo at sumasayaw.

"tara!" he grabbed both of my arms and made me stand, dragging me towards the middle of the field.

( patutugtugin mo o babarilin ka ni lisa? 😀 )

i will leave my heart at the door
i won't say a word
they've all been said before, you know

"huy, nakakahiya!" i tried running back to the bench but he refused and even held my hands tighter.

so why don't we just play pretend?
like we're not scared of what's coming next
or scared of having nothing left

"dali na! sasayaw lang eh! kala mo naman nagmo-momol tayo-"

"kadiri ka!" muli ko siyang hinampas. "i-sanitize mo nga yang bibig mo!"

lord, bakit ang pogi ng bestfriend ko?

"biro lang naman!"

he stopped laughing after i began wrapping my arms around his neck. hindi ko alam pero iyon na nga ang ginawa ko dahil nalalapit na rin namang ang chorus.

sayang ang moment, minsan lang mangyari to.

i felt like elsa froze my entire body when taehyung silently placed his hands around my waist. hindi lang basta kapit sa magkabilang gilid ko, kung hindi nakayakap talaga siya.

without saying anything, he hugged me tight. napalapit na din ako ng husto sakanya kaya hinigpitan ko nalang din ang kapit ko. i was almost placing my head above his right shoulder kung hindi ko lang naisip na mangangalay ako.

look, don't get me wrong
i know there is no tomorrow
all i ask is..

slowly, he guided me as we both swayed our bodies to follow the sad rhythm. i closed my eyes harshly upon feeling my own heartbeat, keeping myself together to not let my guards down.

if this is my last night with you
hold me like i'm more than just a friend
give me a memory i can use

i've been in love with him since God knows when. but just like what other people would also say, we're bestfriends. and you don't bring your bestfriend into a relationship the both of you could never control in the future.

i've read far enough about what could really happen and at this point, i could even do a research for it.

loving your bestfriend in a romantic way only means abandoning the precious friendship you had. because commiting love gives you risks and pain.

and would you give up that friendship for the sake of that?

definitely no.

take me by the hand while we do what lovers do
it matters how this ends
'cause what if i never love again?

"ji.."

madiin kong pinikit ang mga mata ko nang madinig ang mahinang pagtawag niya sakin. i pretended to be enjoying the softest and calmest moment we were having right now just to not hear whatever he would say.

"hindi talaga pwede, diba?"

no.. please don't remind me.

"hindi pwede kasi.. masasayang lahat?"

having no escape from his questions, tahimik nalang akong napatango at naramdaman ko ang paghigpit ng yakap niya sa bewang ko.

he even buried his face against my neck just to probably stop himself from talking too.

let this be our lesson in love
let this be the way we remember us
i don't wanna be cruel or vicious
and i ain't asking for forgiveness
all i ask is..

"let's keep it this way," i mumbled, holding back my tears. ayokong umiyak dahil wala din namang mapapala.

and i know our bleeding hearts are not an answer to end all of these.

what matters the most is that, at the very end of the day, we're still bestfriends.

taehyung and i are still bestfriends.

just.. bestfriends.

if this is my last night with you
hold me like i'm more than just a friend
give me a memory i can use

take me by the hand while we do what lovers do
it matters how this ends
'cause what if i never love again?

—————

skl: last week ko pa po
tapos to, kino-konti konti
ko lang 🤞