Joke's on you

Not insane, just out of my mind

Chapter 1

Most people would say that they are afraid of death. But death doesn't scare me. In fact, death is something I long for. Now I know that's a bit extreme thing to say. But hear me out, I've spent my whole life watching death take the people I love one by one. I've lost everything, I don't have anything else to lose.

After my parents died at the age of 6, I was sent to a children's orphanage.
"this place is a safe zone" they said, "they will take good care of you" they said, it's all bullshit really. But what they didn't know was that they were sending to what was an innocent child to a place that would make him into a narcissistic maniac.

That was no children's orphanage, that was a mental asylum. The place was always so dark, the windows were always covered with heavy dark curtains, I've never seen a morning sun come up.

For years I was tortured, I hated every second of it. Then finally...something clicked. My whole body went numb. I felt some kind of release, I didn't care about anything or anyone anymore. After a while I started finding something relieving in the tortures.

I remember this one night during Electroshock therapy, I felt something so pleasant about it. for some strange reason I started laughing, and the nurses demanded me to stop laughing. I started laughing more. "stop laughing immediately" they said. I just looked at them and laughed again, this time louder. They increased the voltage, I felt my whole body rushing with adrenaline, I loved it, I wanted more. "whoooooo!" I shouted. The nurses looked at me like there was something seriously wrong with me, only there was. "it's time for the Propofol" said one of the nurses. "no not yet" said a man I didn't recognize before. "increase the voltage" he said with curious eyes. "no that will kill him!" said the nurse. "she is right! We need him alive, Mr. Walter would kill us himself! Remember why he is here." Said another nurse.

Mr. Walter? Why does that name sound so familiar? And what did they mean by "remember why he is here"? there were a million questions going through my head that very moment until I felt the questions fading away and my mind with it...

~
I woke up not knowing when or where I was. "Ouch" I sigh, My head is killing me. My tongue feels dry, my body is very hot & I am sweating through the sheets. It takes me a couple seconds to realize that I am back in my room. Door number 3015. Shit I hoped for a little moor excitement than this. "Mr. Walter" I whisper remembering the name from the conversation. Who is Mr. Walter? Strangely I know that name. But I don't know anyone that I know of with that name, & I remember every single names of the employees. I need to get out of this room.

As I stand from the bed and take my first step. my body feels so heavy & i breath heavily. I do not know what they gave me, but whatever it was it must have been strong. I take few more steps & I try my best to walk towards the door.
As I open the door, I see a blond haired guy standing right across me. He smiles at me big & his teeth crooked. "ugh" I murmured. I try with all my strength to walk past him & pretend I did not see him. "Hey wait" he shouts. I pretend like I don't hear him. "Hey will!!" He shouts louder. I can hear him running to me, but I still keep walking. Few seconds Later I feel someone grab my left arm. When I turn around I see him. Great, I might actually just become insane if Joe keeps talking to me.

Joe has Obsessive-compulsive disorder, he was checked in a week after me. Even though i have known him for years I can never get used to him being around. I know that sounds harsh, however there is something odd about him that I just can't quite put my finger on. I seriously doubt he is only here for his OCD. He must be hiding something. "What!" I say loudly "why do you keep ignoring me like I don't exist?" He says worryingly. "Would you just leave me alone joe?" I answer him annoyed. "Dude you missed so much while you were in your room" he says. "I don't wanna know & I don't care" I say loudly as I walk away from him, but he still continues to run towards me. "Trust me your going to want to hear this" he says so happily. I really cannot understand how this guy still can smile after all these years. I am so sick of this place. "No I don't" I say while joe keeps walking with me. "One patient died" he says as if it was good news. I stop walking & joe almost stumbles upon me. "What??" I shout. "Yes, remember patient 3007?" He asks as if I don't already know who she was. "Ava died?" I answer him so confused. "But how?" I ask him. "Apparently she had been collecting and hiding pills & sh.." Before he completes his sentence, I put my hand on his mouth knowing what he was about to say. I didn't see this coming.

Ava was 21 years old & Schizophrenic. She was annoying as hell, her and joe were practically made for each other. But I still can't stop thinking about the fact that she felt the need to end her life. I think about all the memories I had with her, most of which she was getting on my nerve. I can't help but feel sad..  Joe looks at me confused & bites my hand. "Ouch! what the fuck!" I shout. "Hush! Keep it down a notch!" yells one of the nurses. I look back at Joe & say "leave me alone" & I begin to walk, only this time he doesn't follow me.

As I walk down the hall, I get lost in my thoughts. I begin to think about my first week here & how confused I was. I came here the very same week my parents died. I remember nothing but endless pain. I still get nightmares every night as a result of my parents death. As I think about my parents death, I get deeper and deeper into my thoughts. Strangely the pain I felt from the electric shock felt good. Replacing my emotional pain with physical pain made me feel strangely numb. Certainly feeling numb is better than feeling emotional pain, and I long for that numbness. It was as if all my pain & sorrow was being lifted off my shoulders, and I could finally breathe again.
"Will" I hear a lady's voice say & I immediately snap back to reality. I scan the hall trying to match a face to the voice. "You need to go to music room" says the same voice, and I look at her. It's Clarissa, one of the nurses. I give her a smirk & head to the music room.

I slowly opened the door to the music room. Nothing has changed. The walls are painted a dull shade of beige and the floor is grey linoleum. The room is simple and sparse without much decoration. A few small sofa and chairs are the only furniture. The room is rather stuffy and lifeless, so it's no wonder why it feels so boring in here. There are no jazzy instruments to be seen, just a single old piano & few guitars.The only sound I hear is a faint hum of some air conditioning unit somewhere. There is no music being made in here, only a feeling of emptiness and boredom.

A take a seat at one of the chairs far left in the corner. Why are we even here if no one is playing any instruments?
I take a look around the people in this room. I'm in a mental asylum, a place I never wanted to be in and don't deserve to be in. It's a cold, distant place surrounded by darkness and despair. But for some reason, here I am. And I have no idea why.

The staff here seem like they hate their jobs, & sometimes treat us like animals. I feel like an outsider. I don't fit into the routines or conversations, and the other patients stare at me with judgement or pity. The walls in this place echo with trauma and sadness, and I hate being here. As I look around the room, I try to ignore the negative thoughts swirling around inside my head. But it's hard, because all I can think about is how much I want to go home, but where is home? I have no home now. This is it.