stay away

Part 25

Jughead pov

Betty wants to hear my story but am I brave enough to tell her? Many things have turned me into the man I am today, good things but also a lot of bad things. So many times in my life I was in situations where I thought it couldn't get any worse, but reality hit me hard and merciless. Therefore I had to learn early that it was better to keep things to yourself and only tell something important to people I trusted 100 percent. There were 3 people I could tell all my secrets to and now I was about to add a 4th person.

Betty should know everything about me what she wants, because it was time to open up to her. She deserved it and I knew with every fibre of my body that she was worth it. Never would I have believed that I could love a person as much as I loved her, my heart will belong to her forever. Her eyes lit up and left a wonderful warm feeling in my body, but I was afraid her light would disappear as soon as I talk. My palms started to sweat while my stomach turned over. This will be harder than I thought.

"Before I start anything, I want to make sure you know that I am terribly sorry. No matter if it is the thing yesterday or something I did before. You have to know I never had a real girlfriend or someone who hardly knew me before but still cared about me and my life in that way, so this is a completely new experience for me. You have turned my world upside down since the first time you set foot in my bar. I didn't know it then, of course, but now I'm sure that fate has brought us together. It sounds totally cheesy but I don't know how else to say it." I paused my monologue to look at her and find out what she was thinking. It was obvious how happy she was that I was finally opening up to her, which gave me the confidence to continue.

"I love it Jug, you are making me very happy right now. I would be lying if I said I wasn't afraid of you, because I was, but I also knew from the first moment I met you that there was something else inside you. I am amazed that no one had discovered it before me. How did you become the fearless man that you are?" she asked me curiously and I saw this honest concern in her eyes. She was really interested in who I was and why I became the way I am.

"Now that I think about it, I suspect that it all started when our mother left us. Of course I was too young to realize what the consequences might be but yes I think that was the trigger for me to start building a wall around me. My father was so overwhelmed with my rebellious behavior for a while that he kicked me out for several days when I was 13. He knew of course that I would find a place to stay at Pea's trailer but he had to make his point. Sure, I was angry with him but it worked because he made me focus on the important things like family and school. However, one day he introduced me to the secrets of the serpents and my dark side, which I always knew was stronger, showed itself and blunted me. I was a teenager who came into contact with alcohol, drugs, sex and violence, and I was happy to get all of it, no matter how. At that time I would have wished that I had known you before, because then my life would surely have been completely different." Betty placed a reassuring hand on my thigh while she gently squeezed it. Suddenly and unexpectedly she started laughing without any sign of why, so I put my head to the side to express my confusion without words.

"Sorry Jug, I don't think I would have been such a good help to you, because I wasn't any better in my teenage years. Nobody wanted to have anything to do with the broken Betty Cooper, well, except for Veronica and Cheryl." she told me and tried to cheer the whole situation up with a smile. It never occurred to me that Betty would not be liked by anyone. She was nice, friendly, beautiful and absolutely innocent, but apparently everyone has their secrets.

"It's hard to imagine that there once was a Betty who wasn't the perfect girl next door, but to be honest I knew from the moment you walked into my office that there was something bad inside of you." She playfully slapped my arm and, with a gesture of her hand, told me to continue my story.

"I loved being the son of the leader but hated it at the same time. It gave me a power that I couldn't control and so I started a fight with a rival gang that soon after would lead to my father's death. He died from the injuries he received when he tried to protect me from an enemy. Yes, I am ashamed of it and yes I blame myself for the fact that my father is no longer alive today." A lump in my throat prevented me from talking for a moment. My gaze fell on the open lake and with it away from Betty, because I didn't want to see the judgmental look on her face and feel even worse. To my surprise, she put her hand under my chin and turned my head so that I had to look at her.

"Jug look at me. You may think I am judging you but I am not. You are not to blame for your father's death, nobody could have foreseen what would happen that day. We blame ourselves for losing someone we love, but it was never in our hands what would happen. Please don't do it." she whispered the last part and gently pressed her lips to mine. It was a feeling of relief and somehow she took away my pain a little. For the first time in ages I felt safe. The kiss was short but so full of love that it made me drunk. I would have loved to spend the rest of my life kissing Betty because it was all I needed and wanted.

"It's crazy how easily I can lose myself in you. You make everything so much easier and more beautiful. Who would have thought that I would become so soft for a girl?" I said with a smile after we separated and she looked at me with a grin.

"I never thought I would find someone like you either. With you I feel alive, as if nothing and no one could harm me. I admire you for remaining strong even though your father died so young. How did you feel?" she asked hesitantly as she intertwined my hand with hers.

"I was in a terrible state and I think I have to thank JB, that I didn't go completely nuts. Even Toni or Sweet Pea couldn't get through to me when, during the first weeks after his death, I unconsciously did everything I could to kill myself by consuming alcohol and drugs in massive doses. I was a mental wreck, but my little sister brought me out of this deep hole and showed me that there were still things worth living for, even though she was still a little kid. From then on I learned to deal with the responsibility of running a gang, taking care of my sister and getting away from drugs. As you know, it didn't work out so well with alcohol but at least the hard drugs are gone. Of course you know what I mainly do for living, but also in this case I'm trying to find a solution to integrate the Serpents into a clean business. As you can see I have tried to control my anger and not punish anyone for it but sometimes my dark side comes out without warning and takes over so I can't do anything about it. And when my mother suddenly appeared, after so many years, all that I had suppressed during my whole life came back up and I saw red. I freaked out when Toni claimed I didn't love you." I suppressed the tears that had formed in my eyes and tried to stay as strong as possible. I have never told anyone my story in such detail as I was telling Betty. Actually, I suspected she would run away after the first few sentences and not want to have anything to do with me anymore but she still sat quietly, with an understanding look, beside me while she tenderly squeezed my hand.

"Oh Jug, I'm so sorry, I don't blame you for anything, I want to help you and stand by you no matter what happens. Toni's statement is a lie but I'm sure she didn't mean it. I love you and that will not change so fast, you are the only man for me. I thank you for opening up to me and I hope that from now on we can have an honest relationship where we can tell each other everything." she replied to the end of my story, making me the happiest person on this planet. It was indescribable how grateful I was to the universe for her coming into my life.

"I love you Betty and I am more than overjoyed to know you." I melted our lips together, wanted to feel her as close to me as I could and let my hand move to her neck to press her even tighter against me. We both knew that our affection for each other and the resulting tension would cause us to give in to our lust and for this reason we did exactly that.

Despite the cold October air, the temperature around us rose rapidly and through the foggy veil of my lust and love I saw only Betty Cooper.