There's No Way Sh*ts Like This Happen In Real Life

Ch. 1. The Awakening

I am the protagonist in this anime-- wait, is this an anime?

Take 2

I am the protagonist in this story, Roku Uchida, and about the title awakening? Who knows, maybe I'm an overpowered guy with out of this world ability but I'm just unaware, but meh, that shit happens only in fairytales.

You may think that this story takes place in Japan because of my name but unfortunately... no. I live in Philippines!!! Putangina. My name is like this because my dad is Japanese but my mom is a Filipino, that's why people often call me "Japayuki". Putangina talaga...

Like how most of the comedy highschool story starts, this is the first day of school and I am now in senior highschool. I'm on my way to the main hall for the entrance ceremony and I'm not expecting anything on my first day. I'm not like those losers who faithfully pray to god from every religion just to experience a series of cliche scenes where they bump a beautifull girl in the corridor, they'll pick up the fallen books together then they will stare at each other's eye for a couple of seconds and they will both blush while a lovely backbround music is playing. I don't believe that shit happens in real lif--

"Ouch!"

Oh shit, I bumped a girl.

"Are you okay?"

What the fuck??? What am I saying? This is too cliche! Oh wait, no, I'd be rude if I don't ask her.

"Yes, don't worry" says the girl I just bumped while looking embarrased. I just noticed that she's too damn cute. She's wearing glasses and her short hair suits her small face.

Oh no, I don't like where this is going but I'll help her pick up the books coz that's what real men do.

"No need to help, I can do this by mysel--"

She stopped when I accidentaly touched her hand. This is bad, her hand is so soft and small, not to mention her sweet fragrance, and she's too close to me! She might "awaken" something in me.

We finished picking up her books but wait, what is that lump in her skirt?

I shook it off my mind, I'm about to leave when I noticed that she's still not standing so I asked her,

"Are you hurt somewhere?"

"No, it's just that..."

"Just what?"

"I think I-I had a b..."

Man, why can't she just say it clearly? I hate to do this cause she might awaken something in me, but I lean closer to her and pat her back to calm her down.

"You had what?"

"I had a boner, you have awaken something in me."

EEEEEEEEEEEHHHH?!!!

-----

I'm now here at the main hall and the entrance ceremony starts. I know that ceremonies like this is always boring and I'm sitting on the dark side of the main hall, at the back because I'm late, thanks to that fated collision with that cute gir- boy... too bad she has a dick.

The principal is currently delivering his speech but I can't hear a word he says, why? A girl with long messy hair sitting on my left is snoring too loud! If I have a pokéball with me right now, I'll catch this Snorlax. I'm about to wake her up but the curly guy on my right stopped me.

"Don't! What if she's too tired because she fought a battalion of forest monsters last night in attempt to save the world?" The guy on my right said.

Bruh, as if that shit happen in real life.