"Like I said, Uchiha, it is not my intention to put the vibrator on her seat" Kent said while crying, his cheek is as red as tomato after Ms. Snorlax slapped him because of what he did.
"That vibrator is a limited edition, you can use it as a microphone with built in slowed + reverb effect. It was just released today, I'm afraid it'd be already out of stock if I buy it after school so I bought one before coming here." What the fuck did I just hear, a vibrator + microphone in one?!!
"...and then when I came to the hall, I felt that my bladder is full so I rushed to the toilet but... I didn't noticed that I left the vibrator." What an idiot.
"...and when I came back, Ms. Snorlax is already sitting on that chair with my vibrator! I told you Uchiha, I'm a good person, I'd never do something so degenerate like what you're thinking huhuhu" he said while forcing a tear to come out.
"Okay, I get it now. But how come you left the vibrator unboxed?" I just can't help but wonder why the vibrator is not on the box.
"I tested it, I was singing SASAGEYOOOOO, SASAGEYOOOOOOO!!!" He took out the vibrator x microphone to sing again while we're in the hallway - with a whole crowd are around us! What's worse is he is singing the Attack on Titan OST in slowed + reverb, what the hell?!
Anyway, the ceremony is done and now I'm heading to our classroom. I'm 10 minutes late because I'm unfortunately involved with the scandal Kent made but at least I'll finally be separated from him and the peaceful life here at my new school will start... hopefully. By the way, I'm in General Academic Strand due to the reason that most GAS students have, I still don't know the program I am going to take in college.
"SENIOR HIGH GAS BUILDING"
I finally saw the building, my new second home. Our room is GAS 11-3 and it's located on the second floor. I'm not that interested about how our room looks like but I wish it's not cramped to the point that 70% of your desk will get occupied by your seatmate who thinks they own everything in this world. I wish there's a seat faraway at the back where I can study and sleep peacefully.
"Uchihaaaa! Take this! Rasengggaaaaaann!!!"
Forget about sleeeping peacefully, just when I thought I'm finally free from this loud guy, he launched forward to me and hit my stomach while saying the name of a famous anime attack. I fell and I bumped into someone. No. I didn't just bump someone, my lips is touching something warm and soft!
"KYAAAAHHH~"
WHAT THE SNORLAX?!
My face was accidentally smothered by Ms. Snorlax's armpit!!! Thank you Cros-- I mean fuck you!
What the fuck! Out of 420 senior high students who enrolled here, I'm in the same section with this braindead Kent?
I punched him in stomach before his punch hit mine.
"As expected from an Uchiha" He said while falling on his knees dramatically.
"Stop that, you two." A deep and authoritative voice echoed in our classroom, everyone stopped on their tracks and silence filled the room.
A man with a mountain figure stood in front of us and it feels like he's ready to grab our heads and crush it.
"You two are in senior high school now, avoid doing such immature act." Said the same voice but it's not coming from the tall guy... what's happening here?
The tall guy moved over and finally the owner of the voice appeared.
"My name is Gian Ty, the man who's going to be your homeroom president, soon the Student Council president and someday will be the president of the Philippines and the whole world! HAH! HAH! HAH!"
His deep voice echoed again and put everyone in silence but a couple of seconds later, everyone burst into laughter.
"What the fuck bro, why is there a pre-schooler here?"
"Your dreams are so big that it took all the inches you could have"
"Somebody aged only in larynx"
"Hey kid, did you inhale the opposite of helium to have that voice?"
"Yea yea he probably inhaled muileh"
"Exactly what you'd expect in a GAS section"
The laughter filled the whole room, I can't help but feel sorry for Gian and his 4'10 self. However, Gian himself doesn't seem a bit bothered even after becoming a laughingstock.
"Silence! I understand that you all just came out of junior highschool so it's not surprising that you'll laugh even in the smallest of things"
"Smallest! You get it right Gian!" someone in the classroom said after Gian tried to defend himself and the room was filled with laughter once again until a loud banging noise silenced everyone.
I looked where that sound came from and it's in the seat of the tall guy that was covering Gian earlier.
"Isn't that Gian's bodyguard? He's almost 2 centimeters tall! C'mon Uchiha, protect me if that Titan goes berserk" As always, Kent overreacts things and starts to spout nonsense. But it isn't just Kent this time, everyone in this classroom looks terrified and I don't get it.
I start to overhear my other classmates whispering to each other.
"Did we overdo it?"
"I think we should say sorry to Gian"
"His bodyguard is gonna kill us"
"I'm too young to die"
Kent suddenly pushed me in the tall guy's direction and said "Go Uchiha! You're the only one here who can match that guy!" and the whole room cheered my name in unison.
"Uchiha! Uchiha! Uchiha!"
Damn it! First of all, Kent spread the wrong name and now the whole section's using it! The only one outside the instant cheering squad is Ms. Snorlax who's asleep at the far back of the room!
"Go Uchiha! Tame the beast, you're the only hope of humanity!"
Bro what? All this attention on my first day of class? And I'm a hero now? No way shits like this should happen in real life.
No use ignoring their request. I also think this tall dude deserves an apology because of the way others see him as a monster, but the one I'm going to apologize to is Gian. How come these guys only apologize to the strong and not to the - I'm sorry if I'm judging him - weak? I was about to approach Gian who's now by the tall dude's side when that tall dude stood up and grab me.
What now? Am I gonna die? Ahh... my life has been pretty normal before this very day. Whatever, I guess this shit does happen in real life.
YOU ARE READING
There's No Way Sh*ts Like This Happen In Real Life
HumorRoku Uchida, a half-Japanese, half-Filipino teenage boy is living his ordinary life and about to enter senior highschool. The thing he wants to avoid the most is cliché stuffs that mostly occur only in anime. However, with his physical appearance b...
