Dead Fowers

A Sad Day In January - Part 2

It's true

I tried to run from pain

But look at me now

Do I look like I escape from the pain?

The only thing that I won was despair, bad people, disorders, panic and my sweet traumatic amnesia

After the run I won toxic relationships

Lost my capabilities

I started telling lies to make me feel full, to make me feel happy

It become an obsession

I had nothing but those fantasies in my head

And I began to believe them really gradually

My new reality

I shouldn't run but i'm running again

I should face you but I can't

And you don't want me to right?

True I found love after that

But I still in that journey without a return

And deep down I don't want to cross that line and you know it

You know me, even better then I know myself

You used to laugh shaking your head about that

With that smile that were worth the entire galaxy and those red waves of your hair dancing

That laugh capable of reacking my world, i miss it

I found someone just like you

With that soul pure and adventurous as poppy fields

But I still know that you're dead

Sometimes you two even seem the same person

The same stubborness and the same warth

But I still traumatize when I hear your name

Funny right?

Time passes but my memories still locked

and I had on the verge of losing someone again

little by little they are coming back

and this time I don't think that I want them back

Actually, I don't want them back

because I do not want to live such terror again

to lie down and see you dead when I close my eyes

I do not want because I was getting over this

until I tasted the venom of seduction

I feel like I have to live everything again

I promised not to suffer anymore but look at me

crying myself to sleep again for you

I feel guilty for not being able to saved you

You knew how much I hate my weakness

and in these darkest days when your name seems

to have been engraved on the walls of my brain

And I continue looking for reasons

He tells me to take it easy

He says that it's not my fault

You know it was him who saved me on that bitter night when I lost my mind

Strange

He 's helping me to I forgive myself

and now I met a girl

I feel like she's like you too

And she's having a bad time

and I'm proud of her for being so strong

because we both know what it feels like to be right at the doors of the end

and I ask you to protect her

I know I'm silly

For writing this pseodoletter

I just care about people

people just like me and you

I think I'm finally accepting this

I care for you too

I hoped that time could cure all wounds

But it has been four years right?

And I'm still here writing

Sorry for this unelma

We see each other someday

Not soon

I promise

Unelma

From your Enkelin with rakkaus

Credit for the art of this chapter to Heylenne link to the tumblr below

https://heylenne.tumblr.com/