An Affinity For Fire

33. Clover

Clover awoke to a swirling stomach, a pulsing head and a sour aftertaste on her tongue. When her eyes flickered open, she realised she was in bed.

But I was on the beach. What...

She tried to prop herself up with an elbow, but a wave of nausea made her think better of it. Wincing, she let her head fall back onto the pillow.

"Whoa, easy. Slow movements."

Keeping her head still, Clover turned her eyes to see the calm but concerned face of Bryn.

"What-" She croaked, the word morphing into a cough.

"Everything's alright. You were kissed by a siren and you've been unconscious for about an hour, but you're fine."

She clutched her stomach, letting out a pained moan. "Fine isn't the word I'd use."

The young man huffed, the corner of his mouth curling upwards. "Well, you can't say I didn't try to warn you about them. You're lucky Heleonne got to you in time."

At the mention of Leo's name, Clover suddenly remembered what she'd been doing on the beach in the first place, and an entirely new feeling of sickness hit her. She groaned, pressing a hand over her eyes.

"Has he told you what he asked me?"

Bryn's smirk faded. "He has. Considering how you inadvertently fled towards the arms of death instead of answering, I can only assume you're not too taken by the idea."

As her insides began to settle, Clover sat up and shuffled so that her back was pressed against the headrest. She swallowed.

"I don't want to get married."

"He knows that," Bryn tried to reassure her.

"No, that's not what I meant."

Bryn's eyebrows tugged towards each other.

"I don't want to get married ever."

His pale eyes studied her, still stricken with the slightest flicker of confusion.

With a sigh, she elaborated. "I never want to get married because I'm never going to fall in love with anyone."

"You can't know that yet-"

"It's never going to happen," she said, cutting off the argument she already knew she'd get. "Have you ever been in love?"

He flinched at the question. "No, not really."

"But have you ever thought you were?"

His eyes dropped. "A couple of times. Once when I was seven or eight, and then again with someone else when I was fifteen. But those don't count, every child thinks they've met the person they're meant to be with."

"Exactly," Clover said. "When I was younger, no-one ever stopped talking about wanting to get married. Right from the age of six, my friends were claiming to be in love with each other. Some of them even held fake weddings. Then they got older and started giving each other flowers and writing each other bloody poetry. I've watched weddings and heard people say that their spouse made them feel whole and complete, and none of it ever made any sense. Even after I'd started fu-" She stopped herself, remembering she was talking to an Ocassan Prince. "Started ... doing things, it never mattered how much I enjoyed it or how much I liked and got on with the person. I never felt for a minute like I could fall in love with anyone. I love my friends and my family with all my heart, an I'm never going to love any one person any more than that."

Bryn nodded, something resembling understanding crossing his face. "Well, I can't say I relate entirely, but I get what you're saying. I know for a fact that I'm never going to fall in love with someone I'm allowed to marry."

Clover narrowed her eyes, fragments of a memory dancing in her mind. "The beach ... I saw you there."

He nodded.

"But you weren't there for me." When he didn't deny it, she offered him a small smile. "For what It's worth, I won't be competing for him."

He smiled back weakly. "I'm flattered that you think that gives me any more of a chance."

Clover was about to make some joke about the bleak irony of the whole situation, when she heard a muffled shout from another room.

Bryn rolled his eyes. "I thought they'd finally decided to argue at a more reasonable volume."

"Who?" Clover asked.

"Who do you think? Tarragon didn't take too kindly to discovering the peril you just faced. They've been at each others throats since Heleonne and I got you here. I'm amazed their voices haven't given out yet. They've been screaming themselves hoarse for nearly an hour."

Clover shook her head, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed and clutching her still unstable stomach as she forced herself to her feet. "Don't worry about it. I'll get them to shut up."

Her legs wabbled as she stumbled down the hall, one hand pressed to the wall the whole way. As she approached the door to Leo's room, the two boys' voices became clearer.

"Stop trying to make it sound like I don't care about her!" Leo's voice barked. "If I didn't, why would I have risked my own ruddy life to get her off that beach?"

"Because it was your responsibility, after you were the reason she was there in the first place," Tarry shouted back.

"The fact that I was even able to resist the sirens to save her proves I do care."

"The fact that you resisted the sirens proves nothing except that you find her big, green eyes and pretty Dormisian hair attractive."

There was an aggressive scoff, which must have come from Leo. "Honestly, if those are the only qualities you think she has that I could care about, then frankly, that says far more about you than it does about me or her."

"If you really cared about her, you wouldn't try to use her as an escape route from your engagement."

"Well, if you really cared about her, you'd have worried about making sure she was alright when you saw she'd been attacked, instead of instantly using her pain as another excuse to be angry with me."

"If either of you really cared about me," Clover growled, shoving the door open and leaning on the frame, "Then you wouldn't be screaming at each other right next to the room where I'm meant to be resting and recovering from a siren attack."

The jaws of both boys dropped as they fell silent, blinking at her.

Tarry took a step towards her. "Clo, are you alri-"

"Don't," she snapped. "You know what else you wouldn't be doing? Using me in this ridiculous competition you insist on continuing. Do either of you even know why you have such a problem with each other? Go on, give me an explanation." She swept a hand out in the space before her. "One that doesn't involve me, or Marram, or what we collectively agreed to do to Calio, or spilling beverages on your bloody shirts."

She raised her eyebrows, an invitation for either of them to answer. Instead, they both chewed their lips and glared at the floor.

"No? Didn't think you could. So grow up, make up, and most importantly, shut up. I'm going to rest, and you both should, too. We've got a siren to kill tomorrow."

She didn't wait for an answer before slamming the door and staggering back to her room.