Deeper Connections +18

🖤16 : Nurturing🖤

I sit by the window as I watch the day the day go by. It's almost night, and the clouds are only getting darker. The wind getting more and more violent as each second passes by. It's a bloomy day, and I can tell that it will rain, and thunder very soon. A tear falls down my face, but I wipe it rather too quickly. I am done crying for something I can't change. I have done enough crying these past few days. The memories of those unfaithful days are blocked deep in my head.

They are trying to escape, and consume me. The voices in my head are driving me crazy. The keep on telling me that I am worthless, that I am crazy, I deserve to die, I am nothing but a sex toy for men. I try to ignore them, because I know that they are telling the truth, but the truth always hurts. So, it's just better to live my life without emotions so these voices won't haunt me just like how Austin and the beast haunt me in my dreams. Everything is just a mess and I can tell that I am falling deeper and deeper into the dark whole.

I am falling way deeper than I have ever fallen, and I feel that it's going to be harder to get out of this whole than it ever was before. All I ever wanted was for the world to accept me. For my parents to love me. For people to see me for who I really am. They always look at me like I am some weird creature. They only look at me, but not through me. I sigh I feel the thunder roar. Lightning hits the ground. I smile in my head at the beautiful sight in front of me. The rain starts pouring, and the wind is stronger than before.

Its blowing right in my direction cooling my body. The image of Austin passes my mind. How could I have been so stupid. I never really noticed at how he looked at me when I was at the studio. How he would undress me with his eyes. It was never about me being the best I was about him wanting me, but I never thought that even if he wanted me, he would go through such drastic measures to actually get me. What is it with these mafia people wanting me left right and center? The memories of the night he took me forcefully play in my head.

How helpless I was, and he was busy enjoying himself. How I cried and cried, and begged him to stop. With each and every stroke he took a part of me away. The look on his face was so cold it sent shivers through my body. I shake the memory out of my head. I feel myself fall asleep, but I don't let sleep consume me. I am tired of having the same dream over and over again. Austin would be there trying to hurt me, but the beast would always save me.

I just don't get the beast part like is there even such on-planet earth? a whole motherfucking beast, and aren't beast meant to eat people? Then why was is protecting me from Austin. It didn't hurt me one bit. It took me away from him and it hid me in the bushes so he wouldn't find me. The only thing I remember was falling asleep, and then I woke up here in His Grace's house. I hear the door open and His Grace enters, and strides towards me and closes the window.

"Why are you sitting by the window when it's so cold?" he asks trying to keep irritation out of his voice. He takes a jacket from my closet and makes me wear it.

"Food is ready come and eat". He says.

This has been my schedule for the past few days. I sit in my room the whole day and in the evening, I go and eat at the dinner table with everyone else. I get up and we walk out the door. We enter the dining room and everyone turns and looks at us. I take my sit next to His Grace.

"Hey princess trouble". Kenneth greets me making everyone chuckle.

"Hi everyone". I say.

I look around the table and everyone is here. Me, His Grace, Mercy, Kenneth, Thorsten, Ariana Thorsten's first wife, and Isabella Thorsten's second wife. Yep, you heard right Thorsten has two wives', but that's not the only shocking part, because his wives are also dating each other. It's a threesome relationship. I adore their relationship it's so cute, and unique.