Dreaming it with you✨[MED SERIES # 1] COMPLETED

Prologue

Days are getting slower, duller, and restless. In between some days, even going out of my bed felt like a task, a chore that needs a lot of motivation to do.

Everything weighs heavy inside me, I kept looking for reasons as to why nothing sparks joy to me anymore. Did I exhaust myself too much? Is there something I did that strains the faith and I hope I have within me?

Was I too competitive that it drained the passion I had growing up? I was never like this, I had everything under control. Self-doubts and fear of failure are slowly killing me.

All my life I knew what I wanted. From simple things, or even dreams I had them planned out. I was praised for being that person, but I can see her now? I can no longer see the girl they showered with endearing words.

There were days I looked back, dissecting keenly what went wrong, but up to now I couldn't translate even my thoughts to comprehensible words.

I was told that everyone had to go phases to cultivate their desire or passion to something, but moments like these I ponder with my unnerving ideas, momentarily rationalizing each word, and reflecting with my outlook before.

Yet, despite the days I looked back, answers were still vague. Maybe I just need time.

A lot of things about studying felt new to me lately. This was my first doubting moment, growing up I think I was mentally advanced. I joined academic competitions, mostly won every award, competed even nationally and always recognized by different educational-giving award institutions.

And now, I can't even concentrate for 15 minutes straight. I lost the girl who once think everything is easy, I lost something I was so proud before. I am no longer the girl who never gets nervous when called to discuss.

And almost everyday I am asking 'gusto ko ba talaga to?' or am I just confused kasi lahat ng kakilala ko nasa med school.  Strangely, when one chose a pre-med course everyone thinks she or he sill pursue the next step, because naturally that's next step to the ladder. Mostly, people won't even ask you if you'll advance, kasi ganoon naman talaga.

Sa mga araw na nagdaan naiisip ko na 'yon, na baka kaya lang naman ako sumubok kasi 'yon ang inaasahan ng lahat. Pero hindi, alam kong gusto ko 'to dati pa, hindi pinilit o ano pa man. Pero bakit araw-araw ay susuko ako?

Medtech was my pre-med. Mayabang to say but I really excelled back then, never kong inisip yung babagsak ba ako or if malapit ba sa passing yung score ko? Kasi madali lang naman sa akin ang lahat dati, tingin ko nga nilalaro ko lang.

I was so confident about everything, never did I doubt na hindi ako makakapasa sa ano mang subject. Bakit ako matatakot, alam ko ang kaya ko. Alam ko kung ano ang ginawa ko.

Because hell, I studied like crazy, kahit nasa bar nagrereview ako. My friends were there, they can I attest to that, I multitask like I am the head of the game. One shot, one page to cover. Just by thinking now, I couldn't help but clap. I was once the bright kid.

I always stayed home kasi mag-aaral ako. Minsan dahil hindi nila ako maaya ay sa bahay na rin sila nalalagi. They were supportive, as much as I was a help to them, they were of great help, too.

I'm not even active sa social media back then. 'Yong mga kabarkada ko lang nag-uupdate sa akin. I think, isa ring factor na top 1 sa klase yung best friend ko. We were inseparable, we did most things together, he was my ride or die in everything. I could sleep at night knowing that if I forgot something for the next class, he has done it for me. At ganoon din ako sa kanya.