Parallel Love

10.

As if on a tacit understanding both Off and Gun retreated to their room to get some sleep. Perhaps the weariness of the journey or maybe the weariness of always having to argue with each other resulted in that understanding. They hit their respective beds without any further conversation.

The morning felt much better. When he opened the curtains, Gun heard a little murmuring from behind. Off stirred in his bed. At that moment, Gun thought maybe this was what he wanted, to be next to Off all the time, but he quickly dismissed that thought. Because these thoughts always brought despair. But that day he wanted nothing but fun and frolic. Quickly made  Off wake up with his twittering like a bird wanting to soar int the sky.

They had their breakfast and swiftly approached the cheerful waves of the sea. The memories of a playful childhood overwhelmed Gun that he took Off's hand and dragged him to the waves.

The waves came crashing in, wanting to play with these two young ones and  the touch of water made Off a little brave. It was a different kind of intoxication, the kind that makes one forget the  worries in life; all those were ephemeral compared to this vast and shimmering blue veil.

On impulse, Off dragged Gun a little closer, there remained a little gap that seemed to define their whole relationship and that little gap made things more obscure for Off.

"Why the distance?'' In it he asked ''why can't we be close like before? What is that took you away from me? What did I do wrong? Where did I go wrong?''

And because he wanted to ask so many questions at once, he couldn't formulate the words properly. Gun understood that the moment he was dreading (and also wanted to postpone as much has possible) had come.

"Is it because I kept our relationship a secret from others?'' This question always tormented Off.

He thought it was his fault and maybe that made Gun feel insecure. Off wasn't a person who gave damn about the worldview but he genuinely didn't think it was necessary to announce their relationship to the world. They'll know. They always get to know.

Thinking back at the brevity of his days spent with Gun as a couple, he felt it won’t make much of a difference to drop the label as everyone says it. 

Since day one they were practically inseparable to the extent that the world couldn't  help but think that they were more than friends.

  That's what Off thought but he only had one regret, that he didn't share this part of his life with Tay. Later after Gun told that they should break up, he regretted not having told Tay. If Tay had known, he would atleast had a companion to share his heartache with.

"No Off. That's not it. How many times..''
Gun paused as it was pointless bringing that up.The more he kept on with this lying, the more he felt devastated, the more he felt angry with himself. 

" We are not meant to be. Things won't work out between us.''

"Gun,  I really don't understand. Things were so good. Both were happy.'' Off had this conversation several times since their break up. He needed a valid answer which Gun wasn't ready to give.

“Afterall our lives were so entwined..”

“Stop it Off. I can’t bear when you speak like that.” Gun interrupted Off.

"No. Let me speak my mind once. " Off sounded desperate enough that Gun zipped his mouth.

"I love you and I know you love me too. What else do you want?  What bothers you? Gun, just tell me'' this time his voice was wrought with a tinge of vexation and helplessness.

"Nothing bothers me more than you Off jumpol. Nothing bothers me.''

Words bore no meaning.  It was his exasperation which made Gun speak otherwise he would have never said such hurtful words.

Off felt that he was sinking in the sea floor and if possible he would have simply let the waves carry him to depths unknown, somewhere safe where he won't bother anyone. Instead he walked away like he did back then.

Tears welled up on Gun's eyes. "I'm sorry Off.''
..........................

The reason why Off walks away every time after a confrontation with Gun was that he feared the more he fell into an argument, the more the chances are that they will reach a closure in their relationship.

He feared this closure with all his heart, in fact he didn’t want their relationship to end. He didn’t want to abandon hope now that he little hope called Rome who pushed him to face his problems.

“Ahhh I could use a little Rome right now.” Off murmured while keeping his eyes on the sky as if someone will grant him his prayers.