Princess, Knight and Dragon ✔️ Reddie

Here Comes The Anxiety

Staring at the book in Richie's hand, Eddie scolded, 'I told you not to read them.'

'I didn't,' Richie assured. 'Maggie just showed it to me. I asked her not to. I'm not sure if I wish she hadn't.'

Evidently terrified, Eddie stumbled over his words as she staggered closer to Richie. 'I can explain.'

'I can't,' Richie blurted, stepping back.

Eddie rambled, 'It's not us. I just made up an ending.'

'But why make up this one?' Richie stressed.

'I know that's not what happened.'

'Believe me, I would have remembered,' Richie said, his face puckering, unsure what this all meant for them, for the life they had now.

'I didn't know what I was writing,' Eddie gulped. 'I didn't know I was writing about myself all this time. It got blurry somewhere in the middle. I was misremembering. I got it confused. I was confused.'

'You think you were confused? Christ, I'm still figuring bits out twenty years later.'

Bewilderment on his face, Eddie straightened. 'What do you mean you're still figuring bits out twenty years later?' The bewilderment blended with horror. 'Did you know back then?'

Uncertainly, Richie said, 'Yeah, I knew back then.'

Eddie's mouth flapped open and closed, but for a good few seconds, no sounds came out. Clipped and panicking, he managed, 'You knew? Fuck. How? I barely fucking understood. You never – we didn't – I wasn't -'

Like an old reflex from days gone by, Richie dropped the book, swept over to Eddie and placed his hands on his shoulders. 'Whoa, breathe.'

The words failed Eddie with a whimper and his head dropped into the cradle of his hands. Through swallowed air, he murmured, 'I'm sorry. I'm sorry.'

'Hey, hey,' Richie said, trying to encourage Eddie to raise his head. Confused at Eddie's reaction, he repeated gently, 'It's okay. It's okay.'

Recovering his regular breathing, Eddie raised his head and groaned, 'I can't – I don't understand. If you knew, why are you asking about it now? Why now?'

'Because I didn't realise that you knew all this time,' Richie said, blinking.

'Well,' he struggled, sniffing, 'I went back and forth. I forgot so much when I left Derry and it took a while to make sense of the memories when we went back there. Some of it still doesn't make sense. I mean, fucking hell, how did I get married?'

'What?'

He spluttered sarcastically, 'Thought you might have fucking noticed.'

Reeling, Richie spoke in staccato. 'I'm just not sure how that's, you know, relevant.'

Eddie's expression mirrored Richie's. 'Excuse me?'

'Not that your marriage was irrelevant,' Richie corrected quickly. 'Far fucking from it. I just – I'm not sure I follow.'

Shoulders curling inwards, Eddie couldn't meet Richie's eyes. 'Well, I mean,' he tried to explain the timeline in his head. 'I'm a kid in Derry. With you. Confused as fuck but eventually I know and it's fucking terrifying but I do know.'

Richie winced. He didn't want Eddie to be afraid of him, but he understood the feeling. To fear it was all they had been taught.

Tearfully, Eddie went on, 'Then I leave and I don't know anymore. I'm still confused but there's no you, so I can't figure it out like I did before.'