Fallen Angels: Fallen Book 1 (a Boys of Porn novella)

CH 7

Why the hell did you do that?

Derek dropped the phone on the bed and raked his fingers through his hair. He was supposed to call the damn thing off. Instead, he passed the "ball" to Patrick and put everything on him.

That wasn't fair. You know he's struggling.

It was too late now to change things up.

"Shit." Derek let out a hard breath. "You're such an asshole."

He dressed and went downstairs. Out by the pool, Gideon and Rich were setting up a shoot featuring Zachary and Benji. The two young men lingered on the opposite side of the pool—Zachary wearing a skimpy Speedo and Benji in a pair of white shorts and open white shirt.

"I didn't know you were shooting today," Derek said as he approached Gideon.

"Kind of last minute."

"Oh." Derek squinted against the morning sun and nodded at the two stars of the show. "After partying half the night, I'm surprised they're up for it."

Gideon smiled. "Raring to go."

Derek chuckled. "How is it I'm the only one who didn't party—and I feel the most wiped out?"

"A bad night?" Gideon asked in all sincerity.

Sighing, Derek nodded. "Didn't get much sleep."

"Mm-hm." Gideon rubbed his mouth. "Did you, uh... make your call?"

"Yeah." Derek ducked his head and rubbed the back of his neck.

"How did it go?"

"Uh..." Derek looked up. "Not as planned."

"Meaning?"

He exhaled. "I didn't break the date," he mumbled. "I meant to, I swear I did. But..." Derek groaned. "When I heard his voice, I just... I don't know..."

"So, the date is still on?"

"Maybe. I'm not sure yet."

"I don't follow."

Derek grimaced. "I think I did a shit thing. I didn't mean to, but... yeah, I think I did."

"What shit thing did you do?"

"He said he didn't know if he could make it, so I... I passed the ball to him and told him where I'd be and what time and left it up to him to decide if he wanted to join me."

"Why was that a shit thing?"

"Because," Derek moaned, "I think maybe he was trying to politely get out of it. I mean, I think he kind of wants to go out with me but maybe knows he shouldn't. I think it's a struggle for him and he was probably hoping I'd just break the date—which I should have done. But I pussied out and dumped the decision on him."

Gideon chuckled. "I don't know if I'd call it pussying out. Who knows, maybe this is how it's supposed to be. To some degree, I've been in Patrick's place."

"What?" Derek frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I've only really talked about this with Daniel, but the reason I kept him at arm's length for so long is that I felt wrong about engaging in sex with another man."

Derek stared in shock. "What...?" A hard frown pinched his brow. "But you're a porn boss. A gay porn boss. You... you really thought gay sex was wrong?"

"No, not for anyone else. Not for you boys. But for me... yes. It's complicated, has to do with religious issues from my past. But let's just say, I understand where Patrick is coming from. I understand how powerful that ideology can be. It causes a conviction in the spirit. And when you grow up in a God-centered life, such conviction is difficult to combat."