Fallen Angels: Fallen Book 1 (a Boys of Porn novella)

CH 11

Intrigued by Patrick's story, Derek was curious to learn more and gain deeper insight into the young man's decision to forever swear off sex. Was he really "moved by God" to make such a choice... or was it instigated by something far less divine?

Such as his parents blasting him with a massive guilt bomb?

Patrick insisted it wasn't his parents' idea, but Derek wondered.

"You said you made this decision after you talked with Brian and went to some of the meetings," Derek said. "What did you think before that? Did you ever think it was okay to be with someone... intimately?"

Patrick shifted, growing nervous. "I-I don't know. Maybe... in my early teens when I realized I liked boys. I used to think about having a boyfriend. But as I got older and put more thought into the spiritual side of things, I began to question what was right. At first, I thought maybe it was wrong to be gay at all—that's what my parents' church taught. I was starting to feel scared that maybe God would disown me, then I met Brian and some of the people from his church. I was relieved to learn that I could be a gay Christian and still go to heaven."

"As long as you gave up sex."

Ducking his head, Patrick murmured, "I wasn't really giving it up... I'd never engaged in it. I was just continuing on as I had been." He looked up. "I love God. People make sacrifices for love all the time because love seeks not its own. It isn't selfish. I don't know if you even really believe in God, but I do. Christ died for my sins and there is nothing I wouldn't do for Him in return, nothing I wouldn't sacrifice for Him. And I'm sorry if you think that makes me crazy."

"Easy." Derek smiled. "I'm not challenging your choices or beliefs... I'm just trying to understand them. And I do believe in God, in all of it. In fact, I admire you for your ability to live up to your convictions. Few people have that kind of strength."

Patrick swallowed. "I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get defensive."

"It's okay. You stand up for yourself and that's great."

The two young men drank their sodas as silence settled over them. When conversation resumed, the topics veered away from religion and sex as they talked about more casual, everyday subjects; what kinds of movies they liked, what they did for fun, what was their dream career.

Derek learned that Patrick liked psychological thrillers. He enjoyed reading, jogging, working out, swimming... and soaking up the vastness of the universe beneath a starry sky. He dreamed about running a youth center that took in LGBTQ youth who were living on the streets, had been kicked out of their homes, or needed a safe place to go if their home situation became dangerous.

"It... It would be for all youth," Patrick clarified. "Just centered around LGBTQ youth because they face so much persecution. But straight kids who needed a place to go would be welcome, too, of course."

Derek gazed at him, completely taken in by the boy's passion for such a project—his passion to help others, give them a place in this world where they belonged and felt safe and loved. Emotion gripped him unexpectedly and he blinked back a sudden sting of tears. "I think you are a truly amazing person, Patrick Weber."

. . .

Warmth poured through Patrick at Derek's genuine, heartfelt compliment. The older boy was so much more than Patrick had imagined. His sincere interest in what Patrick had to say shocked him. He didn't know what, exactly, he'd expected from a gay porn star—but it wasn't this. Though he'd seen the photos and video clips with his own eyes, Patrick found he had to keep reminding himself what Derek did for a living. Because the man before him just didn't fit his former perception of porn stars. Like Brian, he'd imagined them to be lost, desperate souls without a shred of self-worth or self-respect... possibly so far gone morally, that they had become little more than sexual deviants—living, breathing sex, and nothing else.