Closing Time

59.

I was frustrated. I was angry. I was helpless. And I was tired of being frustrated and angry about how helpless I felt.

And last night, when I'd gone searching the alleyway in a last ditch effort, it had exploded out of me.

Everytime I reached a point where I accepted I can't feel any emotions, my body would prove me wrong through waterworks. It was kind of embarassing when I broke into tears in front of Axel as he dropped me back home.

He watched me blankly as I kept struggling to wipe the tears off my face. "Sorry." I mumbled for the millionth time.

"It's alright." He cocked his head. "It's surprising to see you cry."

"It's not by choice." I sniffed, eyesight blurring over again. "I can't feel anything... anymore these days. But apparently, my body... still can."

"Ah, so it's happened before?"

"Yes, in fact." I wiped my nose again. It was starting to feel raw from all the rubbing. "Just a few days before we... went out the first time,... I'd been through this. It was worse back then."

"What triggered it?"

"Everything." I still remembered the crushing emptiness of being alone in my apartment. No one to call. No one to talk to. Only me, myself and I to suffer in silence. Alone. "It was around the time I made the deal with the Hunters."

"Ah, right." He sighed tragically again. "Can't believe I missed it."

"It wasn't... anything spec-special." I hiccuped. "Just a bunch of blood, and screaming and bullets... I got shot again. Nothing big."

"Shot? The second time?" He snickered, looking me over. "What's that now-your third bullet?"

"Technically, sixth." I turned away from him for a few moments to blow my nose. We'd officially reached the ugly crying stages. "Got h-hit by five bullets first time around."

"And yet you're standing." Axel sounded amused. "Rather interesting."

"Interesting to you." I leaned over the counter, grabbing the bottle of vodka I'd left there earlier and uncapping it. "It's been nothing but downhill since then."

"Don't be rude." He pouted at me, fingers tapping the wood. "We've had some fun times."

"Sure." I mumbled, filling a glass and raising it to my lips. "I was equally stressed that night too. I never thanked you for distracting me during that time."

"Pour me a drink and thank me, then."

That made me chuckle. I placed the glass back on the wood, sliding it over to him. His slender fingers wrapped around the rim, swirling the drink as I made myself another. He raised it towards mine, clinking it. "Cheers."

I sighed, letting the tears run freely down my face now. "What for?" My words echoed in the glass right before I tipped my head back and swallowed the big drink in one go.

"Whew." Axel frowned, staring at the glass. "That's smooth."

"Nothing but top shelf for the angels." I blinked some tears out of my eyes to refill my glass. "Another?"

"Let's not get too drunk." Axel shifted the glass to me, leaning in as he did. "You still have your end of the bargain to uphold."

I stifled a shiver as his lips brushed against my ear, leaning away instead. "Yeah. Yeah. I'll have another and then we'll go."

"Don't sound so excited about it." He mumbled, dark eyes moving to the glass I was refilling. "You were the one who offered."

"I had to. Like last time, I was desperate." I refilled my glass too.