The night was dark and young. The sky a black hole of darkness. I sat there, on a bench thinking.
Thinking about everything. Everything around me felt wrong. It all felt still, like time was frozen. Thoughts racing through my mind like a race car around a track. It all happened so fast. The screaming and the shouting. The crying and the feeling of helplessness. Thinking back to that moment, a sense of abandonment overwhelmed me, breaking the dam and allowing the tears to flow freely down my face.
It was a Saturday afternoon; I had just come back from walking the dog and I saw a her stood there. She didn't look happy, but she didn't look sad. Her expression was hard; like it was set in stone. I walked over to her and told me she was leaving. She no longer loved me, no longer wanted to stay by my side like she had promised she would. I felt warm tears gliding down my face, though I tried to hold them back, she looked away. She told me there was someone else; someone better. I snapped; I couldn't hold it back. I shouted at her, tears flowing freely now, unable to hold them back any longer. She screamed back, loud as a banshee. Neither of us backed down as the shouting, screaming and crying continued. I pleaded with her. I didn't want her to leave, I loved her. The feeling of helplessness washed over me and all hope was lost. I know I sounded desperate, but I was. The pain I felt at my heart was a knife to the organ, I knew I would never heal from this.
She had her things packed and was leaving her key on the table. I couldn't watch, I stayed upstairs and stared at the wall, using all my will power to not punch a hole through it. She was actually leaving. It wasn't just some stupid fight. She was gone; and she wasn't coming back. She found someone else and moved on. I knew I had to so the same. But how could I when I'd loved her for as long as I could remember. Slowly, I sat up and stood from my bed. I walked down the stairs. It felt like it had only been 10 minutes but in reality, it had been almost 3 hours. Nothing felt the same and I knew I needed change. I thought of the different ways I could change: Hair cut? No, tattoo? perhaps, hair dye and piercings? Yes. If I'm going to do this, I'm going to do it right.
So that's what I did. I dyed my hair pink and got a nose piercing. I felt like a new woman. It was great. But as I began to think about it. Nothing could change the way I felt about her. She was the only person I'd ever loved and I don't know how I'm going to live without her; a part of very being had just been ripped away and I know I need to clear my head and figure this out. So, I left the house and walked.
I walked for miles.
And I ended up here. Sat on this bench feeling abandoned. Completely helpless and alone. I had to move on but I don't know where to start. That's the hardest part, starting. Getting up and doing something about it. Being independent and self caring. I needed to take care of myself and get back on my feet. So, I got up. But as I began to walk, I realized I didn't know where I was. So, I looked around, and that same feeling of helplessness and hopelessness washed over me again. I need to push on, I need to grow by myself and I need to leave the past behind.
"Good-bye, my love"
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Crazy Mind (one-shot book)
LosoweJust some random stories I write because my mind is crazy. This is a collection of one-shots which will be updated when a plot comes to my mind and I write it. I will probably take plot requests, so just ask!