tales from an upset mind

Always There

I lay beside you at night and watch you sleep. I know you don't see me. I've been by your side since the day you were born. You saw me once when you were young.

I didn't realize you were awake and I sat on the edge of your bed. I sighed heavily, such a long day of making sure you were safe. I didn't notice as you sat up and touched my wings. I jumped off the bed and looked at you. You looked back at me with such sadness in your young eyes.

"You have wings.... are you an angel?"

How innocent you were back then...

"Yes, sweetie, I'm an angel."

"Why are you hurt?"

I looked at my wings. They were once white and beautiful, now they are black and torn. My skin blackened by fire.

"Because I was bad." I finally answered.

You looked at me with tears running down your sweet little face. I gently wiped away your tears.

"Don't cry over me little one. I was sent to keep you safe. I'm your guardian angel."

You looked at me and smiled sweetly.

"I think you're pretty Mr. Angel."

I didn't know what to say. You were so innocent and trusting. Then you hugged me. I cried as I hugged you back. That was the nicest anyone had been to me in centuries. I kissed the top of your head and sent you back to bed. I laid down beside you. I still remember what you said to me....

"I love you, Mr. Angel," you mumbled as you fell asleep.

I still think about that night.

I smiled as you told your parents about me. They said I was an imaginary friend. I touched your shoulder as you cried and told them I was real, but I dont think you noticed.

You started school soon after that. I followed you all day. I smiled when that boy kissed your cheek. You said you had cooties. How you laughed. Such an innocent sound. So clear, like a glass bell. Your laughter still rings in my ears all these years later.

I remember the day you were in middle scho. You were walking home from a friend's house. You never saw the car coming. But I did...

You stumbled out of the way of the car. You looked around trying to figure out how you didnt get hit. Did you feel my hands on your shoulders when you stumbled? I promised to keep you safe. If anything happened to you I don't know what I would have done.

I watched as you grew into a teenager. I'm sure you forgot about me by that point. But I continued to keep you as safe as I could. When you cried, I cried with you. When you smiled, I did too. I watched as you fell in love. When your heart was broken I wiped your tears and held you close, wrapping my wings around you. I knew your deepest desires and most secret wishes.

You started high school. The same boy that kissed your cheek in kindergarten walked up to you and asked you out. Your eyes sparkled brighter than the most pure diamond in the world as you hugged him and said yes. I was so happy I could burst! Finally someone else that could help me protect you!

Then your parents died.... I sat beside you and held you close like I used to. I think you actually noticed that time. Your boyfriend held you as you cried. I was heartbroken. I hate seeing you cry....

You made it through highschool. I saw you as you grew into a beautiful young woman. I stood off to the side as you walked across the stage to accept your diploma. I swear you smiled at me. Your parents are so proud of you dear. They're smiling down on you from heaven, even now.

You went off to college. I was so proud of you. You stayed away from drugs and alcohol and got amazing grades. Then your boyfriend proposed to you. I cried when you said yes. To see you so happy made me happy.

After you graduated college, you got your career started and got married. You looked so beautiful in your mother's wedding gown. I stood by your groom and watched you walk down the aisle. To be honest I'm surprised your groom didn't faint!  I smiled as you said your vows and exchanged rings. Such a beautiful day. I silently wished you all tbe happiness you could ever want and gently kissed your cheek. I think you noticed that time because you touched where I kissed.

You and your husband bought a house and had three beautiful children. It's scary how much your youngest daughter looked like you did at that age. You and your husband had your fights, but you always made it through. I'm so proud of you.... I'm sorry but I just can't say that enough.

Your children grew and went to school. I watched as the years progressed and kept my promise to keep you safe. They moved out and started families of their own. Don't worry, they have angels of their own watching over them. I looked at you when your youngest left. You looked so tired and worn out. I wished there was something more I could do to help you. But no matter how tired you looked, you were always so happy.

A few years passed. I watched as you and your husband play with your grandchildren. Then your husband got sick..... I knew what was coming next.... You sat by his bedside everyday until he passed away. His funeral was nice.... I cried with you as they lowered his coffin into the ground. Then I watched as the light faded from your eyes. You got sick.... I stayed with you. I laid beside you every night, gently placing one of my wings across you, hoping you knew I was there, that you were never alone....

I sit beside you now, knowing today is all I have left with you.... I'm sorry for all the tears. I lay my hand softly on yours and you opened your eyes. I smiled through the tears, rven though I knew you couldn't see me.

"Hello, Mr. Angel," you said.

I was shocked. You looked so tired. But you laughed. My heart skipped a beat.

"You can see me again?" I asked.

"I have always seen you, Mr. Angel. I always knew where you were. That it was you who comforted me when I cried or held me when I felt alone." You smiled at me as you spoke.

I cried. I couldn't help it. All these years I thought you forgot about me, but you always knew....

You squeezed my hand. "I love you, Mr. Angel."

I kissed your forehead and you closed your eyes. I watched as you took your final breath....

I cried as they lowered your coffin in to the ground beside your husband. I know you're in a better place with your parents and husband, but I miss you terribly. I know I'll never see you again....

I lay down in your old bed, ready to go home... I fell asleep.

When I woke up, I didn't know where I was. It was so bright.

"Mr. Angel!" I hear someone call.

I turn and see you running to me.

"I'm so happy to see you!"

I cry as you hug me. Your family walks up behind you and smiles. Confused, I look at my wings and skin. My wings are white again, my skin untouched.

"Welcome home, Mr. Angel."