A declaration to myself

Let's resume all this tragic life I have (lol it's not that horrible)

I was like a freshman in that school, nobody knows anything about me. And that was great.
It's a new start. New friends. New challenges.
The first year was the best. I had friends, my first sleepover, first boyfriend. All that cool stuff you do as an teenager.

All goes down in year two.
I had... Problems with this ¿colleague? (He's not my friend or anything/anyone close for me) I feel ashamed just from remember it. It marked me.
I'm not okay with what I did but I deal with it and move on. Just it wasn't that easy.
Extreme toxic friends (I would always make them first, help them, support them). They just left me with my problems and issues.
I am the girl who are ALWAYS smiling, laughing, joking... Being ingenious. I wasn't important to them. It's okay if i'm not there.
I am useful and that's it? That broke me. I had a literal mental breakdown.
I started eating much less than what I should, just because I didn't feel the pain in my stomach telling me that I was hungry. I was sad, crying without knowing why. I had attacks of panic, I just couldn't breath. Headaches that make me had more problems to sleep.
It was horrible.
It still is horrible!

Then I started to distract myself... With books and school and music and DIY... All that to just not think about my problems. It isn't the best method but I started to get better and better. And now I am here telling you that.

I'm not great. But without those person's all around me. Judging me. Observing me. I'm better.

(My grades look like shit. But I'll do better next time. I'm not afraid, I'm just nervous)

Sometimes you just need to talk to someone