Diary Of An Empty Person

Day 7 - On The 7th Day He Rested

Spring has passed and summer is here.

I should be calm. Collected. At peace. I just finished my MBA and I got my 3 year work visa so I shouldnt be stressing anymore.

I didn't tell my parents that I already got my Visa. I didn't tell them because I don't have a job yet. I promised to send back more money when I got a new job and I don't mind that at all but I don't want the pressure. I can go all western culture on them and not send money back but I don't want to.

I know my father would understand. He never sent money to his own mother and he rationalised his choice because once you got married your responsibility is to your own family. And he is absolutely right. But that's not me. I'm not going to ruin my marriage by sending money I don't have like one of aunts almost ruined hers.

Between the havoc covid19 has  caused for my parents businesses and the slew of typhoons that flooded the house. Nothing is going right for them.

I'm afraid. I can't do anything but send money. I'm depressed about my own powerlessness. I know it's not my fault but it still hurts to be able to do nothing. It isn't just my parents that are suffering. The guild leader of the MMORPG I'm playing had the roof of her house blown off. She and her family are now living in their garage.

I can't help. These are the times when I remember why I had such a thirst for money and power back then. I did alot of stupid things back then to get power which I thought I could stomach.

I can't tell my wife about this, she knows I'm sad. She's been asking me why. I've been having nightmares again. I writing this right now because I woke up shaking from said nightmare.

Might be the stress, or the paint fumes from my neighbor in the apartment across the hall. Who knows?

I'm writing again because of the stress and it definitely makes me feel better. Anyway if anyone reads this. Hope this pandemic is treating you better than me and my parents. Cheers.