It hurts knowing that you will be here every fucking day just to suffer and be in so much pain. Mental pain, physical pain, emotional pain, pain that tears you apart, pain that wears you down to the point where its just to much work to lift you head up from the pillow where you sleep. weight is so fucking heavy where you cant even feel like you can open your eyes to see the beautiful white ceiling above you. because that ceiling aint so beautiful anymore because everything in your world has lost all its happiness and beauty. and all you wanna see is the darkness and calmness that comes over you when you talking your last breath. it hurts knowing that when you kill yourself you go to hell, but hell seems like a better and happier option than living here. it hurts when someone sits there and says "oh its just a stage, he'll/she'll grow out of it" when in fact mom, its not just a stage. its not something you wake up like how when in middle school and you said "oh i just want to try lipstick for a day" its not like that at all dad. its not something you can grow out of and get home, and wipe that lipstick off because you didnt like the way it looked.... trust me mom....... trust me dad....... if i could choose to take off that dark and dull pair of pants made of depression.. i would. because no mom, i didnt wake up and say "I want to try depression today"
(11/25/20) have a good thanksgiving everyone
