… to the reality
Nothing in this world is permanent. I really don’t believe in that because I thought our relationship is forever. I thought I’m going to live happily with him. I thought he’s the one for me.
But it was all wrong.
We are back then because we thought we have the strength to face all the problems. We thought that having a simple life is enough to be happy. We thought everything will be fine.
But again, we are wrong.
We broke up because it is the best thing to do. It is the only way to get out in all those problems. It is the only way for us to know ourselves. To know our mistakes. To know what was gone wrong.
We have to figure this out on our own. We have to fix things and put them back where they should be. Para sa future, we won’t commit the same mistake. We won’t have the relationship that will turn like ours.
We will improve ourselves. We will become strong for the people around us, for us.
I don’t know why I’m saying things that we will do. Like, we will do it together.
We had each other.
We had everything.
But it was gone now.
It’s been 10 months since we broke up but I haven’t moved on. I’m still longing for him. I’m still calling his name whenever dinner is ready. I’m still talking to his photograph. I’m singing our song every Sunday morning.
Ano na kayang balita sa kanya? Okay lang kaya siya? Nahanap niya na kaya ang taong magkakapagpasaya sa kanya? Iniisip niya pa rin kaya ako kahit isang kaibigan lang?
Huh. Who am I kidding? I got an invitation of his wedding. So why bother thing about if he’s thinking about me? And why asking if he’s okay and if he already found the one who will give happiness?
Bitter? No.
Hurt? Definitely yes.
It hurts me not because obviously, I still love him but also, he moved on in his life while I’m not.
I’m living in a house full of our memories together. Good and bad. We had moments in where your eyes can see. That is why it is hard for me to move on, they say.
I’m leaving after attending his wedding. It is time for me to find myself. It is time for me to find my real happiness. It is time for me to move on.
It will be hard, I know but I will do it, at least I will try it, because it will be unfair to me.
I’m packing my things up then I saw our picture together. This was captured when we had a picnic with our friends. It was fun and we are all laughing. We had fun.
I put all the things we shared in a box that will go to the garbage. There is no reason to keep it because there is no reason to live in it.
I’m wearing a gray and pink dress. My dream motif for our wedding but now, it is theirs.
I check my things to make sure nothing important will be left.
I got to the garden where it will be held. It is a beautiful venue, flowers in yellow and white. Old European lamps in every table and an arch made of flowers in the end of the red carpet.
I’m jealous with the girl. She prepared this for 3 months while I planned our not-going-to-happen-wedding in entire 9 years of our relationship.
The ceremony started and ended with laughs and tears. Everybody are cheering to the newly wedded couple. The garden is full of congratulations.
And it is the cue for me to leave.
I grab my bag and started to walk slowly. I want to cherish and remember all the things happened in this place. I want to remember the taste of the air in my lungs. I want to remember the beautiful night sky.
“Leaving without saying goodbye?”
I turned around and saw my friends grinning from ear to ear. “Goodbye?” I said.
‘No. See you soon.” He said. One by one, my friends hug me tight to bid me goodbye.
I was left with him. “Congratulations.” I said.
“Thank you.” He said his eyes smiling like he didn’t expect this to happen. Like, he can’t believe that he got married.
“You know what? It is my dream to see you like this. Happy.” It is the truth but I want to see him like this because of me. Sad, isn’t it?
“Thank you for the good things you’ve done to me. I became like this because of you. I found my happiness because you found out what is something wrong between us. I don’t know how to repay you for everything.” He said.
“Saying thank you is enough. I have to go. I still have airplane to catch. I said because it hurts me hearing those words coming out from his lips.
“Have a safe trip. See you soon.” With that, he left.
I get in the taxi and went to the aiport.
I opened my phone while waiting for my flight to be called and read all the farewell messages from my friends. I will miss them. I will miss all the hang out they will do in the next days.
I stoop up after calling all the passengers of the plane I am taking. I looked around and say my goodbye to the place where I grew up and the place where I decided to be strong.
I will be back and make sure that will enjoy my life in here again without sadness. Goodbye.
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Author’s Note:
Sorry kung may mga maling grammar. Pakitama na lang po ako. Thanks!!
Your beautiful author PinkMadoka signing off…
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