Chapter 7
Nighttime always lasted a long time. Ivan had long suffered with that knowledge. His life had changed so many times during the dark of night. It had been exactly midnight one night when he had come to the conclusion that he was gay. He had been thinking about the people he was attracted to. As hard as he tried to focus on the girls he knew, he had always ended up thinking about boys - one boy in particular. It was also another dark night during that fateful dinner when he came out to his parents and his father ran out on his mother and him. And dusk had just shrouded the sky when the doctors told him that his mother had died and the shock wore
off just before dawn when he realized in his heart and his mind and his gut that from that moment on, he'd be alone. The worst moments of his life had happened after the darkness had clutched the earth-the darkness that hid everything and left Ivan cold, lost and confused.
Sitting by the lake however, that night surrounded Ivan with a softer kind of darkness. The light of the moon reflecting from the lake gave Ivan relief. The warm moonlight and Jesse's company both gave him hope.
"Are you expecting this to be a story trade or something?" Ivan asked Jesse, trying to escape from the subject.
"Yes and no," was Jesse's short reply. Ivan asked why and Jesse said, "Yes because like I said, I just told you one of my biggest secrets. It's only fair for you to tell me yours. And no because I also just had to get my own story out there, you know, for my own relief. It really felt like I took of a huge weight off my shoulder so if you'd just try it, maybe you'll feel better too."
Ivan tugged on the grass near him as he pondered whether he should trust Jesse. Jesse had trusted him with his story but he wasn't so sure if he could trust Jesse with his. They'd only been friends since this morning, how could Jesse just reveal a big secret like that? "Why'd you tell me your secret?" Ivan asked.
"Because I trust you." Jesse smirked. "And because if I told you this one big secret, I'll be able to protect the much bigger ones I have."
"I don't get it."
Jesse rolled his eyes as if the point was really obvious. "If I tell you a big secret, would you assume there's something bigger? Probably not, right?" Ivan nodded. "So once I start telling you secrets, you'll look at me like an open book, as if there's no need to dig for more since I'm telling you everything anyway."
"So basically, you'd lead people to believe that they know you but they really don't?" Ivan concluded to which Jesse nodded. "Any chance you'll tell me the bigger ones?"
"Dude, tell me your story first. That's another benefit right there from the big secret. You can bargain with it."
Ivan took a deep breath. "You're not going to let me leave here without telling you, are you?" Jesse nodded with excitement. Ivan took a gulp from the bottle of beer that Jesse had brought from the party. "One rule though. No interruptions while I talk. Got it?" Jesse nodded again.
And so Ivan began his story. "It all started last year when the football team won the championship. They threw a huge victory party at Rick Summer's house and of course everyone cool was invited."
"So you weren't there?" Jesse interrupted.
"I said no interruptions!" Ivan slapped Jesse's thigh. "And I was cool back then."
Jesse nodded slowly. "Sure you were." He said sarcastically.
He glared at him. "Do you want to hear the story or not?" Jesse raised his hands in surrender. Satisfied, Ivan continued. "It was one those days that you just can't help but feel really good, you know. I couldn't think of any other day more appropriate so I decided that that would be the day I'd come out to my two best friends. So we arrived at the party as usual, the three of us going together in Michael's jeep. See, we had this routine that whenever we go to parties, we'd arrive together and split up to talk to each of our own friends-Michael, his teammates, Alex, her fellow cheer leaders, and me, anyone I knew in there. Then after
