My weightloss Diary

Foreword

Hey,

I'm Ayah! First of all, I would like to tell you, that Ayah-Ayumi is not my real name. . .

It is like an alias. Having an alias allows me to talk about myself with a better conscience. I'm very insecure about my appearance.

Because I've been bullied since my childhood, I have eaten accordingly. I hate getting up every morning, looking in the mirror and just having to see myself. Most of my friends don't know about it. They think, I am the funny, always cheerful girl, but I am not. Deep down inside me, there's an empty space that seems like it never ends. It just hurts to think that my friends don't know. But I'm afraid to tell them, because I know that they might . . . not gonna be able to say anything good.

Back to my childhood. Ive always been the chubby kid at school. I had some friends, but they were never real. My family and I had a great house. Had pets and were generally happy. Until my father wanted a divorce with my mother. My mother had to sell everything we had. Our house, our cats and our dog, which I loved more than anything else. We moved to an apartment in the middle of a crossroad. Not a nice area. I had to share my room with my 5 years younger sister. It was an exhausting time. But I couldnt change it.

We moved a few times. A few times too much, actually. At that time, due to the divorce of my parents, not only my environment changed, but also my eating habits. I started eating a lot more than I was used to. My weight increased rapidly. I couldn't figure out how to make myself stop. My mother tried to give me tips, I tried to follow them, but something kept me from continuing.

This year is my senior year. I'm finally gonna leave school. I really hope that 2021 will be a better year. Due to the quarantine I had started to eat unhealthier food. I always wanted to do sports to get rid of the weight I had gained, but nothing helped. It was like a circle. I ate, wanted to change, then did some sports and then the ravenous appetite attacks hit me again. And this has been going on for some time now. If I lose weight, I gain it back twice as fast. And this, over and over again. . .

I also suffered from depression. Since my grandfather died about a year and a half ago, from a heart attack, everything fell apart. I couldn't go on. I didn't WANT to. I started cutting myself. A physical pain is more bearable than a psychological one. This could be shown.

But let's also look at some of the good times in life. I have three wonderful friends. I have known one of them for more than 6 years. She stands by my side and goes through everything with me. Yes, I'm talking about you Valerie. You've helped me in so many ways. I just can't be more than grateful than i already am.

In this book (rather a diary) I will do / write down the following:

❧ Progress

❧ Feelings

❧ Thoughts

❧ Suggest different sports exercises

❧ Try and write down cooking recipes

❧ Give tips for everyday life or weight loss

and much more!

Having found my motivation, I finally want to change something about myself.

And you can come with me! ♡

Ayah_Ayumi