Dysfunctional Thoughts

a longing for closeness

I don't think he realizes how much his touch means to me. I've seen it in movies; the way a girl wants to be close to her partner. But I never fully understood the depth of that longing. The intensity of how it feels to absolutely yearn for someone's touch. It's always been so cliche to me to read how someone feels sparks or fireworks when they're in their lovers arms. I never knew it would feel like this. And I'm freightened by it all the same. Scared that my constant need to feel his body near mine will be too much. Scared that he won't understand how touch deprived I've been since I was a child. I don't ever want to annoy him but I'm addicted to the sense of security I feel when my body rests against his. I've always heard about how lonely people feel without someone by their side, or without someone to sleep next to but I never felt that with any other person. My bed feels so empty when he's not here. It's almost like my bones ache to feel him lay by my side. My skin longs to feel the warmth of his. I've never felt such a whole connection to someone before in my life and I can only hope, pray to God, that he feels the same way. It's a confusing feeling. I never craved the affection I didn't get as a child before him. Never wanted any of my ex boyfriends to hold me hour upon hour, but with him I can't get enough. Sometimes it even overtakes me. In any setting, just to hold onto his arm gives my heart such a blissful feeling of security. I wish I knew a way to explain it to him, to ask if he ever has undeniable urges to feel my body close to his too.