Chapter Thirty Eight

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Don't be afraid to fail.
It's not the end of the world,
and in many ways,
it's the first step toward
learning and getting better at it.
-


Jon Hamm

________________

"Daniel?" I roused myself awake, hearing my name whispered in the room

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"Daniel?" I roused myself awake, hearing my name whispered in the room. Where am I?

I blinked into the darkness, the Christmas tree and the muted colors shining through the front blinds—the only light in the room. I was still on the couch. Still curled up next to Daniel. Memories rushed back to me. Opening up. Confession. Parents. Talking About Ethan. Cuddling with Daniel.

"Allison!"

I jerked upright as he yelled and immediately reached out to shake him.

"Wake up, Daniel. It's a dream."

"Allison!"

It took a few more shakes, but he finally calmed. Finally opened his eyes. He seemed as disoriented as I'd been just a moment before, looking around the room in almost panic. Then his gaze swung to mine. His blue eyes meeting mine.

"Allison?" The lights from the tree made the blue of his eyes seem to glitter. He looked around once again, then a long hot breathe slid from his lungs. "I was dreaming."

I nodded, not sure what to do. I straightened on the couch but stayed sitting next to him. His hand slid over to capture mine.

"I'm sorry." His voice came out hoarse. I'd fallen asleep soon after resting my head on his lap and he must have fallen asleep sitting up.

"There's no need to be sorry, Daniel." I covered our hands with my free one. "Do you want to talk about it, though? Was it about your mother again?" I reached up and caressed his cheek, the stubble of whiskers comforting under my fingertips. He didn't shave while I was in the hospital which makes him look older than his original age. "Maybe talking would help." I feel the need to be careful while asking him because I don't want to push him hard.

He studied me in the quiet darkness. It would be his call, but I wanted him to know I was there for him.

"Or I could make you a cup of coffee," I offered. He might prefer a few minutes alone.

"It was about my mother," he croaked out, and I nodded, more than willing to stay put.

She pulled in a breath. "And I showed up in it?"

I know I did because he wasn't shouting his mom's name but mine. He was shouting my name.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "You show up in all of them now, Allison. Every one." He captured the hand still on his jaw. "And in them, I can never save you."

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