The Deadman ✔

Chapter Thirteen

I legitimately don't know what post/book inspired this chapter because I wrote it so long ago (I'm horrendous when it comes to writing chapters out of order you all have no clue) but I sure do know it was something.

Dumb bitch, dumb bitching I guess, but if it sounds at all familiar that is why.

Ik it's been a LONG time, don't hate me but I'm finally finishing this book.

A baby's cry is precisely as serious as it sounds.
-Jean Liedloff

I am holding hands with my boyfriend when we go into PetSmart to look at the cute animals after picking out all the baby stuff.

And I noticed how in love I am with his voice and how it changes every time he sees a new animal, no matter how old or fluffy or loud. His voice goes all soft and bubbly, sometimes higher for the puppies in the back of the store.

At the side of the store under the heat lamps that made him flinch when he poked one, he even cooed at one of the snakes.

Teddy's afraid of snakes.

I am holding hands with my boyfriend and pushing the bright blond hair out of his eyes with my other one, watching as with his empty hand he taps on glass lightly to get a hamster's attention. 

It's adorable when three waddle over to him, but the one he wanted continues stuffing its cheeks full of food. Teddy pouts before laughing, flushing slightly with happiness.

Then we get to the kittens and he practically melts into me.

"Can we get one Atti?" Theodore whines, making me grin. "Please! Or not just one, like four? They need company! Four's the best number."

He's still holding my hand, clutching onto me so tightly I feel as though if he let go my body would feel like it's sinking into quicksand. So I don't let go.

"If you want, there's enough room in the house." I tell him, watching as his cyan eyes light up. "And I've raised a lot of animals, dealing with four cats is easy. I'll teach you how to train them to cuddle on demand."

Going in for a quick kiss, Teddy raises onto his toes and still has to pull me down just to be able to peck my lips. 

Personally, I find it adorable.

"Are you two... together?" The woman's voice is angry, toned with disgust and passive aggressiveness. "There are children here, you're in public you know." 

Her angry hazel eyes, that remind me of a mirror I smashed in freshman year, are glaring at my Theodore making him drop his hands away from me and take a flustered step back.

And she doesn't bother to hide the fact she's trying to get a reaction from us.

She doesn't attempt to hide her anger.

She doesn't think of her ignorance.

She looks pleased with the distance between us.

I want to tell her that in many ways, we're still children too. I want to tell her there's nothing wrong with the ways we've found to love each other. I want to help her realize I can't accept how uncomfortable she's making me, how scared she's making my boyfriend.

So then I find myself holding my boyfriend's hand.

Of course I know how people like her see us, as something sinful and disgusting on one end and something to fetishize on the other. She sees us like real people if real people looked how they do through funhouse mirrors- -in my experience; distorted, disturbed, taking up too much space- -and she treats us like we're disgracing her with our love.

It reminds me that when it's between two men or two women, the world made sure our innocence was never ours to begin with. It is something mandatory, something seen as a crime.

Even with this in mind, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else than holding hands with my boyfriend here and now because he wanted to see cute animals. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else and not hear the way his voice softened when he saw the hamsters. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else and get that kiss I had to get pulled down for.

"You shouldn't act like that in public." She sneers.

I tighten my grip and look the woman dead in the eyes, "I dare you to make me stop."

A worker, a teenage girl who looks to be in her sophomore year, comes up to us. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Actually, yeah." I pull a more than flustered Teddy into my chest. "We have a huge house and we'd like to adopt the four kittens, two are un-named but the four that have been here for five weeks."

"Elf, Bean, the black one with a white paw and the long haired calico!" Hyping himself back up into the excitement, Theodore practical ends up squealing by the time he's done talking.

Too busy paying attention to the cute man in front of me, I don't notice the woman storming away.

"You guys just need to do some paperwork, complete the interview, pay and you'll be on the way." She says, smiling at us. "It's about time someone adopted these cuties."

"I'll do all the boring stuff," Turning back to Teddy, I laugh as he flushes. "You go pick out some beds and toys. Don't forget litterboxes and litter. Oh, get food!"

At the end, I have to shout because after petting Bean under the chin he takes off right, more excited to get this than he is scared to bump into that shitty lady again.

God, I love him.

In our house now, there in a cat-play room tucked in the corner of the basement where a second living room, a nursery right across the hall from the master bedroom that me and Teddy share on the first floor and countless baby things all around the house.

Along with babies on the way, we now have four kittens for our friends- -Chip in particular- -to fawn over:

Elf, a orangish-tan kitten with blue eyes who's more fluff than he is a cat, Bean, a short-haired brown and black kitten with yellow eyes and an affinity for biting you when you stop petting him, Squeak, a long haired grey calico who is crossed eyed and can't stay focused but she's adorable anyway and Kayla named her after hearing her squeak like meow, and Dot, a black cat with a single white dot over her green eyes and a white paw that Luke named.

There's a lot happening but it's busy in a good way.

We have so many diapers just from my family saying "You'll need these." and buying me them that one of the closets is floor-to-ceiling packed. I don't think any of them talked to each other, because otherwise they'd definitely come visit just to laugh at how ridiculous it looks.

My dads are over the moon with it all.

For once I'm... I'm not just happy, I'm content and I think, especially after my girls are born, that I could live the rest of my life here.

Yeah, yeah.

That sounds good to me.